What our pets taught us about living a healthier midlife

Few things in life bring you as much comfort as a snuggle with a pet. Whether you're a dog-lover, a cat-lover or a lover of all animals, this episode is for you.
Cam and Amelia have both lost beloved pets in the past 4 months, and through this grieving experience, they have learned a lot about their own lives and priorities. 
Join us for this heartwarming episode!

00:00 Losing pets brings shared understanding and memories.
06:33 Luther inspires asking for what you need.
07:22 Learning to be assertive and accept help.
10:25 Dog sought safety in favorite corner spot.
13:32 Darcy was smart, intuitive, and independent dog.
18:37 Despite resisting boundaries, she stayed within safety.
21:15 Parental struggle with letting children grow up.
24:59 Dog's gratefulness during illness stands out.
26:20 Love pets, give them hugs, follow Instagram!

In this episode, you'll hear: 

• The art of setting boundaries and conserving energy while remaining loyal and brave.
• How to ask for help and greet your loved ones with a smile, no matter what life throws at you.
• Napping in the sunshine, because warm is better than cold any day!

Stay Connected!
Amelia

• Website: https://www.thehelpfulplate.com/
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/thehelpfulplate/

Cam

• Website: https://www.camoyler.com/
• IG: https://www.instagram.com/heymomma_cam/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@heymomma_cam

Midlife Mommas IG: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.mommas/

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Transcript

0:08

Hi. I'm Cam, Holistic health coach, mom to 2 humans and 4 pets. Hi. I'm Amelia, Laboratory scientist by day and food scientist by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and follow along. We're the Midlife Mommas. Hello, everybody. I don't know if you guys heard that, but that was the sweetest kitty noise. And we are talking about pets today. Yeah. And what does that have to do with Midlife Health? Can you explain that? That's a really good question. Yeah. Many years ago, someone recommended this book called me to me called The New Rules of Aging Well by doctor Frank Lippman, and it's a great little book. I highly recommend it. We'll link it in the show notes for you. But there is one chapter in the book and it's called relax like a cat, play like a dog. And it just talks about how we can use our animals and what they teach us for a loving, healthy life. They have a lot of things to teach us. Yeah. Absolutely. And the really interesting thing is this kind of came home for Cam and I both because both of us in the last, like, 3 months have lost a pet. And so if you have a pet or if definitely if you've lost one, you realize what's missing when you lose that friend, that family member. And so I think each of both of us had a little bit of a different take, but I'm sure if you're listening right now, you can think about a pet from from your past or one that you have now and just instantly have a smile on your face about all the the cool attributes they had and what they taught you. Yeah. So we're honoring this episode and our pets. My cat, Luther, who was with us for 18 years and your dog. Tell us about your dog. Yeah. Darcy, she was a rescue. I got her when she was 11 months old, and she just passed in April. Cam, I can't even I don't even know how old she was, maybe 12 or 13. So definitely some revered and loved pets. Yeah. So another thing we have in common is our love for our animals, Amelia. Just, you know, it was tough. It was when we lost Luther and stuff. We still have his brother, Simon. Simon's still with us, and we have them from kittens. I remember going to the vet to get them. They were strays that were raised at the vet, and the vet said, oh, I was just gonna take 1, Amelia. And the vets packed them both up, And he said, oh, you can return one if you don't want the other one. And I was like, yeah, right. I bet they were cute little fur balls. And, you know, pets are social. I'm sure that Simon and Luther were social with each other, and maybe with the dogs too. My 2 were definitely, attached. I was quite worried about my remaining dog when Darcy passed. He's been fine. He's an elderly gentleman now, and sometimes I perceive him to be sad because he's got a gray, you know, muzzle. But, they, like us, have to continue. You know, there's life after after you know, there's life on earth, that continues when people die. And so some of that lesson, I think, and I don't even think we wrote this in the notes, is is moving on and learning how to to kind of work through grief. 100%. And I did definitely felt grief, and I've kept a close eye on Simon. They're brothers. So I was like, well, how is this gonna affect Simon? And he's doing well. I just took a nap with him, so I'm happy to report things are well. He seems to be more vocal, so that was the change that I've noticed. And then I did run across an animal communicator on TikTok. So I've watched some views to help the humans when an animal crosses over, and I actually found a lot of comfort in her videos. And the last few days before before Luther passed, he was very spacey, and she was explaining that that's one of the things that animals are spirit and physical body, and they are in that process of separating from their physical body, and they become very spacey. I said to my husband, I'm like, does he have dementia? Like, is he there? And that spaciness was the separation between his physical and his spiritual body, and that really helped. I found comfort in that, Amelia. I mean, I think that's awesome and very astute for whoever posted that to come up with that. I don't know that Darcy had that because, I don't want to get graphic with people that are that may be suffering with some sick pets. But she had cancer, and we didn't know it until it was far too advanced to fix. So we chose a, what we thought was an honorable end to her life with some assistance. And so I don't you know, we she did she lived her last days here, but her passing wasn't completely natural. I'll go ahead and admit that. I'm sure people have some different feelings about that. But it was you know, she was, she was very sick there at the end. And, you know, it made me think, Cam, when my dad was very sick about his spaciness those last few days as his body was preparing and shutting down. And, of course, he wasn't communicative at all. Darcy was at least communicative with her eyes in those last hours and days, but my dad wasn't. So, you know, I think losing pets is so hard, and it can teach us. It can help prepare us for losing our human our human beings because there's one sure thing is that that we're not gonna live forever and neither are our pets. Mhmm. So we're gonna make this a joyful episode, believe it believe it or not. And we're gonna talk about the lessons we learned from our pets and how that helps us live a healthy life. I love it. And I've got some things to share too about Darcy. Mine were more about how she and I were alike because I would just came back to all of the things that I remembered about her from the time we got her, through her adulthood. So I think this will be fun, and I hope that those people out there with pets now, can really relate. And I want you to think about how your pets are are helping you. Well, I do think they're communicators, and I do think they're here to serve a purpose and enrich our lives. And so, yeah, I hope you look at your pets with new light and new eyes and say, oh, what is it teaching me? Yeah. Absolutely. So what's the number one thing that Luther taught you? Okay. It's actually number 2 on the list, but I'm gonna start with number 1 because he I was asking my daughter, what did you learn from Luther? And it was a 100% to ask for what you needed and to use your voice. And as women, isn't that, like, not the easiest thing sometimes? I know that isn't for me. He would if he needed fresh water or if he wanted more food, he was the kinda cat. If he could see the bottom of the bowl, that wasn't good enough even though he had no other food. Yeah. So he wanted to make sure it was full at all times, and there was no way that both of them could eat all that food. And he loved fresh water, but, like, he because they all 4. I have dogs too. So he didn't want the dog water. He wanted his own fresh water. And the number one lesson from Luther was, yes, use your voice, ask for help when you need it. I I know I needed that lesson. That's really good. I've gotten better about that too about and not being apologetic about it. Just kind of being, hey, I'd really appreciate if you would or if someone says, do you need help? Say yes, I I do, and I appreciate if you help with this task, whether it's at work or at home. I do think that we have trouble. And I do think it has something to do with being a woman, but sometimes I think we feel like other people are not gonna do a good job as we do, so we just as soon do it ourselves. So there may be a little bit of of more learning for me, in that regard with that particular issue. Letting go of that that control is what we were talking about before we hit. It's coming up in a new episode soon. Yeah. Absolutely. So with Darcy, I was reflecting back to when we first got her. She was 11 months old. She was picked up as as a stray, and, she was a dog. I I've got it in our notes as a little skittish at first, but a loyal companion. I don't consider myself skittish like she was. She was very it took her a long time to become a family member. But I'm one of those people, and I think our pets can teach us this. If you are if you are trustworthy and we have a relationship, I will be your loyal companion. You know, I I hope my friends would attest to this, but just the idea of it's okay. And we talked about this very recently is to to be vulnerable to other humans and to show them who you really are and be loyal to that friendship. Love it. Love it. Loyalty is important. Don't you think? Oh, gosh. Yes. Oh, yeah. And it, you know, it doesn't have to be it doesn't make you a doormat. Loyalty doesn't mean that you have to agree with what that other person says a 100% of the time. It to me, loyalty is just showing up as your authentic self. Exactly. So I'm home from California. I was at a retreat, and the theme was connection, like, authentic connection with yourself and with others. So I think that ties into what you're saying. Yeah. Absolutely. So what's number 2 on your list? Oh, Luther was very consistent with his bedtime. Like, he would beat me to bed. I I wish I knew how many times he would beat me to bed, but if it was around the

9, 9: 9:26

30 time and I wasn't I was still on the couch, he would, like, encourage you to go to bed. There were times that he'd beat me to bed, so he was very consistent, very consistent. He would snuggle in my belly. He yeah. So where did did he have a cat bed in your like, where did he sleep? He, for the last year or so, would sleep and I sleep on my side. He would sleep next to my belly. Okay. And so when it was bedtime, did he go meow at you and say it's time to go to bed or did he just go to bed? Sometimes he would meow and then other times he would come up to the room and he'd be sitting on the corner of the bed waiting. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And if I came up before my husband, he would sit on the corner of the bed and wait until Dan was finishing the bathroom before he would snuggle me. He was very, like, into his routine. I guess that's another Laura, like, you know, having a routine. He had a his little body, he had a routine. I love that. That can really keep you honest. I love that. Right? Don't sleep on the couch, mom. We gotta go to bed. Right. Exactly. My second thing about my dog, and this kind of went with her early on personality, is, she liked places of safety. So, you know, being a stray, I'm sure she had to, like, look out for herself. So we have, currently and we we have an l shaped couch. We used to have a couch and a loveseat that made a corner, and she loved that corner. Like, that's her if you ever wondered where she was, she was in that corner. And I think we all need places of safety. Hopefully, that's your home or a place in your home. I realize that not everyone's home feels like a safe place, but I think having a safe place to land is super important. And if you are a person that doesn't feel especially, I hope you're you're physically safe, but emotionally safe as well. I would encourage, you to investigate what that looks like. I love it. Luther's third thing that he taught me was it's okay to take a nap. Again, he was he was into routines. I just woke up for a a nap. I'm on a different time zone right now. And he loved going in the guest bedroom and curling up like a little pillow in front of the pillow, if you know what I mean. He was like the decorator pillow. And he was very consistent. If you did not know where Luther was, he would be taking a nap usually in a sun like a little sunshine patch right by the pillow. So, you know, there's sometimes I think we're on go mode. I know my grandma knew was on go mode. It is really okay to take a break. It is okay to take a nap. There's not there's you're not lazy. You're not, you know, all the bad things you think about yourself. So that was definitely something I learned from Luther. So did Simon go nap with him? No. Simon naps in his own place. And since we moved in April, like, Simon's only come upstairs maybe 5 times. It's very strange. Okay. So they were okay. So they had different personalities, do you think? 100%. Luther was very, like, organized and, you know, routine, and Simon's like, woo hoo. I'm gonna climb up the wall and speak to the spirits I see because he was he's out there. Yeah. We always care if he does the drugs. Like, I don't know what he's doing. I think he sees spirits, actually, but that's another story. You know, I just think pets have personalities. We've had both, rescue animals. We've had a couple of animals that we actually paid money for. And my rescue animals have always been so humble and grateful. Mhmm. The 2 dogs that I've actually paid money for were a little more entitled. I mean, they weren't kinda they weren't douchebags per se, if an animal can be that. But they didn't know a stranger, and they didn't, I don't know. They just had that entitled feel. But my rescue animals were always so sweet and humble and just seemed like they were so grateful for your attention. They never assumed that that anything was theirs. Mhmm. And I just love that. That's kind of an aside. That's not even really on our list, but I just have found that those personalities are just so fun to discover. That is great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Darcy was really smart and intuitive, and she was she was kinda this is one of the things that made her made me kinda know she was a girl. It's like she didn't go out there. Like, my male dog, he's like out there running and barking and like, I am wonderful. Look at me. And she was more like she soft pedaled things, but if there was a bite of food to be had, he'd be like showboating and she'd be quietly over there taking the snack because she knew where to find it. And I just found that so interesting that she was just like, I don't have to be the center of everyone's attention, but I know what's mine, and I'm gonna get it. That's that's great, and that's a lesson for all of us. Right? Yeah. I mean, you don't you don't have to be the shiniest crayon in the box to get what you need. And that's actually one thing that I've really learned recently, Cam, is that when we talk not we, you, and me, but me and other people, you know, I don't have to always tell my story to be heard. You know what I mean? Like, we're you don't always have to use a lot of words. You can just be who you are. And you can you know, when you invest in other people, they're so grateful, just like Darcy was. And then there is always a time for reciprocation at some point. Yeah. So what I hear you saying, it's the energy that you put out into the world is really all you need. And sometimes when we use too many words, it it dampens it it I don't know what the word is. It muddles the message maybe. Maybe so. Maybe so. Dilutes the message. That's what I'm thinking about. Like, maybe maybe too many words. Mhmm. Right. And I think it can actually make you, less likely to hear because you're so busy, like, speaking that you forget kind of where that true connection is. Anyway, that maybe that's just me. I don't know. I think no. I can see that from an animal point of view for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. She was amazing. Yeah. One of other lesson from Luther is warm is better than cold. So I don't know how many times I posted on my Instagram story. As soon as the heater would kick on, he would find the vent and sit on the vent. Or Oh, wow. He would try to get in the sauna, like or the patch of sunshine. So I think finding a sunny spot on the floor or sitting outside, I think he knew that there was, like, healing when it comes to being in the energy of the sun or outside or whatever it is. So I'm I mean, I agree. I don't I think everyone would agree that you feel better when you're in the sun. Yeah. And I think that there's a little bit of almost like a, what do you call it when it's like a representative thing? Because you can feel, air quotes, cold even if it you're not physically cold. And so finding that spot in the sun could be figurative. And, but I really believe if you're feeling you know, we've talked about this a lot. If you're feeling lonely, tired, hungry, one of the things that can help is getting outside and getting into nature. And maybe Luther just intuitively knew that whether it was in or outdoors that sunshine is healing, and I love that. I think it's true. Yeah. We had to learn it, but he just knew it. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Taking naps, take a nap in the sunshine. You're onto something, buddy. Exactly. Exactly. I love that. So another thing about Darcy is she knew her limits. And I'm not saying we should limit ourselves. That's not the point of this, enlightenment thing. It's more like if kind of like Luther asking for help. If there's something that you need help with, ask, but kinda know what that looks like. I think sometimes that we overestimate what we can do, and sometimes we underestimate. And kinda knowing where that balance is is actually really important. My dog was loyal and brave as she had to be, but given a choice, she was gonna conserve that energy, which I really appreciate. Because I think there's times when we expend energy unnecessarily when it's better just to, like, hang back and wait. And I love that about her. Knowing her limits and conserving her energy. Psst. Hey, you. Have your workout stopped working? There are a few things I need to tell you. Hey there. It's Cam. And I'm here to guide you through a few simple actionable steps that will actually transform your health. And believe it or not, you'll actually see results from your efforts. Learn how to get fit and energized with a free on demand masterclass called the 4 keys that unlock menopause fitness. If you're ready to take control of your journey, click on the link in the show notes for this free masterclass now. Okay. I'll see you in class. I mean, conserving energy is way to survive. So Right. Way to go, Darcy. Way to go. Yeah. Absolutely. Can you think of an example of where she knew her where she didn't go past her limits? Was it a physical thing? Or Mostly, it was. Like, she was very, we don't have a fencing, not physical fencing or any sort of invisible fencing, and she just knew not to go out of the yard. That wasn't her comfort zone. When we would go on walks, here's the funniest thing. She hated a leash, and she would tug and pull. But if you took the leash off, she stuck by your side like glue. So I don't know how she knew that. It was almost like I'm resisting these these boundaries you're enforcing, but if you'll just let me have my own boundaries, I'll stay within what's safe. Mhmm. And it was amazing. I've never had a dog do that. Like, she was one of the smartest dogs we ever had. Oh, where's the life lesson there? It goes back to the loyalty. Wow. Maybe? I don't I don't know. But, like, maybe it's also with, like, looking at your life, like, who's trying to put restrictions on you and how can you shed that and come up with your own boundaries and limits that are for you and not strain against someone else's boundaries, if that makes any sense at all. 100%. And it was her free will to stay by your side. I know I feel, when I feel like, you want me to do what? Like, don't. Yes. Yeah. So that's the my leash. But if I choose to be loyal, then that's a whole another game. I'll be right there by your side. Yeah. And I think we've done it with our kids too. Right? We would we we like, just like with a leash on a dog, we put limits on other people. Sometimes it's for their own safety and their own good. But at some point, we have to take those limits off and let them be. I found that as a mother of adult children that I worry so much less about my children because I've had to I hate to use the word leash and child in the same sentence. There's plenty of people that'll, you know Yep. That'll really like. Yeah. But, you know, I've taken away, my mental anxiety and limits on them and be like, I've taught you. Like, all I can do is teach you and you need to live your own life. And so I have a quote for that and it's called roots and wings. And I don't know the whole thing, but roots and wings is enough for you to understand visually what's you gave them the roots, but you have to give them the wings as well. Yeah. That really helped me when my son was going through the, you know, military school, all that stuff and all that. So anyway, roots and wings. That's what I gave my kids. Yes. And I think that's so important. I'm sure there's some people out there that need to hear that. We try to do it and sometimes we just suck at it. Yeah. And and and here we are at the school. School. Maybe you're an empty nester for the first time, and you're like, what the heck? Well, struggle with your cat, take a walk with your dog, and remember that roots and wings are is the greatest gift you can give your kids. You know, one more story about that concept and then we can move on, but I was at church this morning because we record a lot of times on Sundays, and there's a little children's part. And so all the little kids go down there, but a lot of parents have to walk their kids down there. And there was this one mom, and this kid looked like he was about 3, and she'd sit him down and try to back up and he'd go back to work. It took like 4 times before he would stay and she could go, but I could see the angst in her. She wanted him to participate. He's 3 years old. And so I know that there's a lot of parents whether it's going to kindergarten the first time or middle school or high school or college where we're trying to shove them out of the nest, but really it's like, oh, I really wanna hold on to you. And it's just it's a hard spot, man. Right. Exactly. And you don't wanna cause any childhood trauma for them and Not. Exactly. Yeah. Then they're talking about in therapy for years. Yeah. So there's that balance. Always balance. 100%. And I think that kind of goes along with Luther's last thing I'd like to share. He always greeted us at the door. Always, always, always, or at the shower. Anytime there was a door closed, he was there. I think Luther taught me that it's, oh, you should always greet your loved ones with a smile and a little rub, and they're like, hey, I'm glad you're home. Yeah. And sometimes I think that that's hard because, you know, pets may offer some may have anxiety. I don't know how that manifests or if it would manifest itself in a way that would prevent them from greeting us. But I do think that we, as humans, have a tendency when we have a bad day or have having struggles, maybe we don't greet our loved ones in ways that are welcoming. So I think, for me, that's the lesson that Luther could teach me, Cam, is that I I need to express that love and gratitude to my people regardless of what's going on with me. I can you know, if I had a tough day at work, that doesn't mean I'm not happy to see my husband. So let's just kinda get all that other crap out of the way and still show that. Like, hey. I'm so glad to see you, and maybe I can explain. I'm sorry. I'm not super affectionate right now. Like, this happened or I had a tough day, and I just need a little bit of time to decompress. Pets never tell you that. Like, you know if your pet doesn't greet you, like, there's something physically wrong with it. Like, they're always glad, which I think is amazing. Yeah. And I agree. Sometimes when you have had something going on that in, externally and you're coming home into an environment, you know, maybe there needs to be a margin, but I like what you said to explain, hey, this is going on. But you still greet him with a smile and a hug. Like Right. And I think a lot of fam sorry. A lot of families probably have this, but my husband's really funny about, you know, when the kids were in that teenage angst period, he never let them get off the phone or leave the house without saying I love you, I mean, even if they had had a big argument. And he always tells me that as the last thing before I get off the phone. So, you know, just being present for your people, it is hard. I mean, I am the first one to admit that I have bad days and it's hard, but it's so important because you're not promised another day. Right. And also, like, are you putting a little paper cut in that relationship every time you come home if you're in a crummy mood, you don't even say hello, and, like, the other person's like, do I even matter? Like, aren't you causing little paper clip or paper cuts in that situation? Luther never did. He was always like, I'm so glad you're here. Yeah. And I love the way you put that because, you know, death by a 1000 cuts, I don't remember where that came from. But little micro, not aggressions, but micro hurts can add up and be really, really toxic to a relationship if you don't get that under control. So way to go, Luther. I do love that one a great deal. Yeah. I can just see his cute little face. He was full of spirit. I love that. Let me see if I've got one more thing I can pull out of the of the Darcy, wisdoms. And this is probably one, you know, as I was thinking about her last days and I really, I mentioned this a few minutes ago. She really hung in there till the end. She never complained. My male dog, and I this might be a commentary on males and females, I don't know, but she never complained. My male dog, he will whine at you and act like, you know, why aren't you paying attention? She was just always, like you said, Luther was, like, grateful. She even though she when she was sick and we knew there was something wrong, she would get on the couch, she would climb the stairs. I mean, I think we need to express what we want and we need, but a lot of complaining, you know, is not always healthy. And I have had to learn to stop it, you know, because I love to vent. Like, oh my gosh. You're not gonna believe what happened. But sometimes those things can be actually take you one step deeper in an emotional bad place. So I love the fact that she just hung in there, and I think life is hard. And so you just gotta hang in there. So we're gonna go take a nap in the sunshine. We're gonna greet our people and we're gonna stick with it. We're gonna be loyal companions to our friends and our family. I love that. I love it too. Yeah. Pets are so important. I hope those you guys who are listening will take this and really go give your pet a hug. Thanks for listening today. You can find us on Instagram at@midlife.mommas For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below, and we will talk to you next week.