Midlife Mommas: A Girlfriends Approach to Life After Menopause

Self-Care for better physical, mental, and emotional health

June 12, 2024 Season 3 Episode 157
Self-Care for better physical, mental, and emotional health
Midlife Mommas: A Girlfriends Approach to Life After Menopause
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Midlife Mommas: A Girlfriends Approach to Life After Menopause
Self-Care for better physical, mental, and emotional health
Jun 12, 2024 Season 3 Episode 157

What is Self Care? It's not just a buzzword. In today's fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with stimuli, we need a way to center & ground ourselves. We need to protect our energy.  
How we do this may be slightly different per individual but it's no good to run on empty. The badge of honor of multi-talking is a crock of, well, you know what I'm talking about.
In this episode, we unpack self care, which is not manis, pedis, and massages....necessarily. We hope you enjoy this deep-dive on maintaining good health through self care.
00:00 Embracing female authors, self-care in current culture.
05:37 Maintaining health, delayed mammogram due to pandemic.
07:29 Applauding bravery, sharing personal experience, and self-care.
09:46 Encouraging story about sharing experiences and self-care.
13:53 Daily sunlight and nature for better sleep.
16:47 Protect yourself with energy bubble wrap strategy.
20:32 Neglecting spiritual well-being is often hollow.
23:12 Gratitude for life despite challenges and imperfections.
29:29 Moderation key in consuming wine and alcohol.
30:44 Trying new company products for mocktail experience.

In this episode, you'll hear:

Prioritize Circadian Rhythms: Get daylight early in the day and ground yourself by putting bare feet onto the soil to manage anxiety and stress.

Manage Internal Chemical Balance: Seek external support like chiropractic adjustments or massages, and consider magnesium supplementation for better overall well-being.

Cultivate Gratitude & Mindfulness: Nurturing spiritual well-being through meditation, gratitude practices, and mindful connections with nature is crucial for mental healing and growth.

Stay Connected!
Amelia

Cam

Midlife Mommas IG: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.mommas/

Please share, rate, and review the podcast. We appreciate you! ❤️

Show Notes Transcript

What is Self Care? It's not just a buzzword. In today's fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with stimuli, we need a way to center & ground ourselves. We need to protect our energy.  
How we do this may be slightly different per individual but it's no good to run on empty. The badge of honor of multi-talking is a crock of, well, you know what I'm talking about.
In this episode, we unpack self care, which is not manis, pedis, and massages....necessarily. We hope you enjoy this deep-dive on maintaining good health through self care.
00:00 Embracing female authors, self-care in current culture.
05:37 Maintaining health, delayed mammogram due to pandemic.
07:29 Applauding bravery, sharing personal experience, and self-care.
09:46 Encouraging story about sharing experiences and self-care.
13:53 Daily sunlight and nature for better sleep.
16:47 Protect yourself with energy bubble wrap strategy.
20:32 Neglecting spiritual well-being is often hollow.
23:12 Gratitude for life despite challenges and imperfections.
29:29 Moderation key in consuming wine and alcohol.
30:44 Trying new company products for mocktail experience.

In this episode, you'll hear:

Prioritize Circadian Rhythms: Get daylight early in the day and ground yourself by putting bare feet onto the soil to manage anxiety and stress.

Manage Internal Chemical Balance: Seek external support like chiropractic adjustments or massages, and consider magnesium supplementation for better overall well-being.

Cultivate Gratitude & Mindfulness: Nurturing spiritual well-being through meditation, gratitude practices, and mindful connections with nature is crucial for mental healing and growth.

Stay Connected!
Amelia

Cam

Midlife Mommas IG: https://www.instagram.com/midlife.mommas/

Please share, rate, and review the podcast. We appreciate you! ❤️

How do you take care of yourself? What's your self care routine? What's the difference between self care and pampering? Hi. I'm Cam, Holistic health coach, mom to 2 humans and 4 pets. Hi. I'm Amelia, Laboratory scientist by day and food scientist by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and follow along. We're the Midlife Mommas. Hi, Amelia. I'm glad we're talking about this today. I feel like so many times we put ourselves at the bottom of the list and we don't do self care or pampering. So I'm so excited to talk about this. Yeah. Me too. Just making the notes for this episode, Cam, was pretty easy because I thought of all the ways that we have talked about self care in the past, and we definitely want to make that a priority, but there's a little slight tipping point where self care can become pampering, and I think both have a place in our lives. Oh, totally. Yes. Don't feel guilty about it. No. In fact, we are we're gonna define them. So pampering is like going extreme or excessive, indulging, feeling spoiled. So it's kinda like, you know, pampering, like above and beyond. Right? Right. Exactly. And that may look different for some people than others. I always think of pampering as something that's fun and nice, but not essential. So pampering is definitely, we're not pooh pooh ing. This lady said, please don't feel like we're, telling you you shouldn't. It's just sometimes we need to kinda spell out the differences. Well, and I think we're gonna talk about self care. Self care is to establish and maintain your health. And it's also to prevent and deal with illnesses. And so that is really important in midlife. Like, self care is not selfish, and we need to redefine that immediately. I totally agree, Cam. And I think, what might be self care for me might be pampering for someone else or vice versa. And some of this comes back to how we define what our minimums are, and so that's one of the ways I looked at this subject is what are my minimums and what are the things over and above, or how do I spoil myself and be okay with both. Right. Exactly. And it and, no, don't feel guilty about it or don't think you're being stingy or greedy or over the top or any of those, you know, negative things that we associate with self care and pampering. Don't do it. No. Exactly. And I love to read, books about and by female authors, and I think this comes up a lot, in current culture, especially with our age group, Cam, because sometimes our mothers or our grandmothers were very sacrificial in the way they handled their lives. They did things always at the service of others to the detriment of their own health and well-being or happiness. And I think that's what our generation has learned how to temper or balance, and we have to keep telling ourselves that self care is important. I agree. I think I live my thirties, like, taking care of everyone else. The kids in the classroom, my own physical kids, my pets, you know, all the things, and I was totally last on the list. And then in the forties, my forties, it was with the separation and the, you know, all that stuff. So it was kinda like trying to Band Aid, put band aids on a lot of holes, and it was it wasn't successful. Yeah. I can imagine it wasn't. So you were serving others for years from a place of empty rather than a place of fullness because maybe there wasn't time or whatever for the self care. So I totally get that. Totally. That's exactly what happened. I would just be exhausted at the end, like by the time, and then like what's left of me, a shell. That was it. Right. And did you ever feel resentment or bitterness about your, quote, duties because you felt empty? You know, I felt irritable sometimes. I definitely remember being irritable. And, like, sometimes after teaching all day and I remember specifically, I had a phone call about a math test, and I had just walked in with the kids. Alyssa was in daycare, and Adam Adam was in school, and I was just beat. And like we literally just walked in the door, and I answered the phone, and I shouldn't have answered the phone. Like, they needed me more. And I was answering the phone about a stupid math test. Like, it could have waited. Anyway Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I've I felt that way too and I think irritability is probably the number one way I've experienced that that push to do more when I was in a place of empty. And honestly, Cam, you know, we talk about self care from many different angles mental, emotional, and physical and for me probably the mental health is the hardest where we've we've talked about and we'll get into some some ways that we we find self care to be valuable. But for me, that mental space, allowing myself to do nothing or to think about nothing, to really truly push away, thoughts that are intrusive about work or things that have to get done. I I need to give myself some time and space, and a lot of times that could just be a short amount of time, but that's where I, a lot of times, fall off the wagon. Yeah. I totally see that. And it's really easy to feel guilty because we're we're doers. We're supposed to be doing stuff. And, like, maybe you don't need to do something. Maybe you need to increase your health by not doing something and just being. Yeah. I definitely agree with that, and even though I think there's lots of buzzwords and catchphrases that kind of allude to that, I want ladies to understand just what that means for them. You know, if if you follow social media, there's just a ton of stuff out there about self care, but we want you to define what this means for you and be able to take care of yourself in the way that makes you feel full. Yes. And and remember, we're trying to establish, maintain, prevent, or deal with some kind of illness. And that brings us to our first story. So, I had a mammogram this week, and I had not had one since, the fall of 2018 prior to my hysterectomy, and then the world shut down. And so I know I was supposed to go in 2019, but I delayed it enough and then it was 20 and you all know what happened then. So this week I had a few things like lineup and I've said before when things show up in my life and they repeat, I pay attention and this was one of them. I had a friend who had a mammogram come back, in not a good way, and so she was having a lump lump lumpectomy done. And then I called my doctor for like just a regular, you know, my regular annual blood test and they called me back the next day and said, you need to take your mammogram. And I was like, okay. That's 2, number 2. And then little Luther, my cat, walked across my chest and my left side didn't feel good. And I was like, okay. Pay attention and get yourself into the doctor. And so I did. I had a mammogram on Wednesday, and they, by the afternoon, said we need more, screening done. So from Wednesday to Friday, I could have let my thoughts go crazy. And it was hard, and I really took my thoughts to court, and I paused whenever I could. And then on Friday, I had, extensive mammogram done. It was a 3 d. It was many different angles. And during that process, I was there over an hour for that part. She would go to take the screen or the images to the doctor, and the doctor would come back and say, I need 4 more. And then she went back a second time, and she goes, I need 2 more. And, Amelia, I've never been twisted and smooshed before. I was she twisted my boob to the right and took a picture and twisted it to the left and smashed it and took a picture. I've never been, and it's been crazy. Have you ever had that happen? Yeah. Actually, I have, but it's been many years, and I just applaud you so much for doing the taking your your thoughts to court business because I probably would have been a wreck with racing hard and spinning mind and sweaty pits the whole time. So the fact that you were able to see these signs, and you're so good, you're so good at listening to your gut and listening to all of the things that are, you know, pointing you in a specific course of action. I just love that about you, but I have had a little bit of a scare. It's been many years ago where I did end up having a fine needle aspirate, and it was it was very, traumatic. My kids were young at the time, and nothing ever ended up coming of it. There was no malignancy, thank goodness, but, yeah, I think those things, you know, we think about routine screenings or even something as simple as a dental cleaning where, you know, at our age, maybe we've had feelings when we were 12. Those suckers are 40 years old. So, you know, little things like that Cam, I think, oh boy am I grateful that, you know, I went to the dentist. I actually had dental work done which is not, not nearly to the magnitude of your scare, but things happen at middle age. We have to take care of our bodies. Right. And making the time to go to the appointment, I would fall under self care, because you could think of a million other things to do with that time. But this is part of it. It's maintaining your health and whatever. So let me finish. Let me tell you what let what happened. So after all the mammograms, then I went and had an ultrasound. And so I have calcifications. There's bundles of them, and they're not flaky, she decided. She described them as round versus flaky, and flaky means they might be spreading. That's not what's happening. And so I will go back in 6 months for the whole shebang over. So from now until the next 6 months, I am going to dial in my self care and keep my mind clean and not let my thoughts wander into the negative about this whole thing. That's really good. So they're pretty confident that it'll be fine for 6 months now. Will they look for changes in 6 months? What'll be what will happen in 6 months? That's exactly what their the results were, probably benign is what the what the words were on the the my chart, and they're looking for changes. That's what they're gonna do. Yeah. Wow, that's pretty heavy. I'm so proud of you for going through all of that and just being willing to share your experience because I would bet this has happened to some of our listeners as well and I would bet also some of our listeners have had, either themselves or loved ones that might not have had such a happy or hopeful, prognosis after after that kind of thing. So definitely, medical appointments, you know, I think of the dentist is kind of like the vet. You don't know if something's wrong until it's really bad wrong because if it's hurt, if your teeth are hurting really bad, chances are you got a real bad problem. The same with a vet for me, it's like if the dog is showing signs of real illness, we're already in trouble. Mhmm. So you know, I go in with a little bit of skepticism, but, you know, screening things and things that we do, preventative care, count as self care. Totally. Making the time for it and not feeling guilty of taking off work or whatever to to go do the appointment. So Absolutely. A 100%. So this is your PSA, ladies. Go take care of yourself. Take those appointments. Make the calls. Whatever it is. The dentist, the mammogram, the yearly checkup, whatever it is. Right. Absolutely. But there's a ton of things and we've talked about this often on. I think we've got a whole episode on self care, Cam, but that we talk about it frequently. But there's just a ton of things we can do that really do better our lives. Let's talk about a few of those. Yeah. Let's talk we'll start with our body. It's like how, you know, how you live, how you move, how you breathe, anything that falls into your physical body. So walking and exercising for sure. Sleep would be on there too. You know, just taking care of your physical body. What else? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And one of the things you've talked about on numerous episodes is avoiding toxins. I know that you use an app to make sure that the things that you put in and on your body don't have toxins and environmental toxins and toxins in food and skin care, makeup, whatever, they're so prevalent now and that's another way to take care of ourselves is avoiding things that we know could harm us. Yeah. I totally agree. And thinking about the breasts, like your deodorant flipping matters, ladies. You're putting something on your body right next to this area every single day. So, you know. Yeah. And I think for so long, we have fallen into actually believing advertisers and marketing where they downplay the side effects of products that we think are normal and have bought for decades that now we know maybe aren't so, maybe it helps you keep from stinking, but what are what's the cost? Right. Exactly. And a lot of times, our products in the United States are banned in other countries, which should be a an alarm, a warning sign. So yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I I don't think a lot of people understand that. We just assume that what gets past the government's approval is gonna be okay, and that's definitely not always true. So you have to take charge of your own health and understand what you're putting in and on your body. I'm such a huge advocate of that. Yeah. The 2 my 2 favorite apps are Think Dirty. That's 1. It's free. You can take, you can scan a barcode. I'm always in the target aisle scanning things. And then the other one is yucca, and it's u I'm sorry. Y u k a, and that's a new one. And it has food, some foods, and some beauty products. So it's a new one. And they have a paid version, but I'm still using the free version. So, you know, that's one way to handle it. Absolutely. And anything that we can use to help us from a reputable organization, I have a, local health food store and a lot of those folks I know from our community, and I trust the items that they promote because they've done that research and I do appreciate that. Mhmm. Yeah. Anything else for your physical body would be, like, like, obviously, hydration, getting enough water to make sure your body's working well, but also your food. Just taking the time to prepare food for yourself and beautifully arranged plate like you do, Amelia. You always have beautiful plates. And sitting down to eat, like, that's all self care. You don't have to shove shove it in your face at the kitchen sink. You can sit down and enjoy it. Right. And a couple of other things, Cam. I know we've mentioned this before, in the sleep related episodes, we talk about getting daylight into your eyeballs early in the day to set your circadian rhythm, which sets you up for a good night's sleep, and just grounding or putting your bare feet onto the onto soil or ground to connect with the earth, enjoying nature. These sorts of things help us decompress and they help manage anxiety and anything we can do to slow down the pace of life, manage anxiety or stress is totally self care. Totally. 100%. Because what is happening on the inside chemically is not a good thing. Absolutely. If you do have something like you need extra, you know, go to a chiropractor or schedule a massage if you need extra, like, support from another person. It's something that you can't do by yourself. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah. I do love those and I use both of those things. I kinda know when I need a chiropractic adjustment. The other thing that I'm a big fan of and I think you are too, Cam, is magnesium supplementation. Mhmm. I'm extremely diligent about, my supplements, especially magnesium in this high stress world. We also know that a lot of foods in our soil quality is not what it was and and most Americans are magnesium deficient. So that's another thing we can do for ourselves, you know, to promote that good, healthy will well-being feeling. And, you know, it's just reframing that thinking about how you eat and what you drink and what you put on your skin and your hair and the supplements you take, that is a form of self care because, again, the whole goal is to live a healthier healthier life. Right? It'd be vital. Yeah. Absolutely. So, you know, besides all of the stuff for our physical bodies, there's things that we can do for our heart. I guess we could call this love and care for our emotional bodies. Mhmm. So healthy relationships are super import important and setting boundaries around your energy and your time, I cannot stress enough. Like you said in the beginning when we were talking about giving from a place of empty, this is where this comes in is actually setting boundaries around your time and your energy. Yes. And, yes, I I absolutely believe that. And, like, if you are in a relationship or you've just left a situation and you don't feel awesome, you feel awful, well, pay attention to that because that is not, lifting you up and bringing health to your life. But on the other hand, if you are with people and you just feel so joyous and they're you're just attracted to them and you just wanna be around them, also pay attention to that and spend more time with those kind of people. Yeah. 100%. And some of the relationships that we have are ones that we didn't choose. They may be family members or coworkers that may or may not be your favorite people, so find ways to either distance yourself from folks that make you feel awful or that, you know, don't pass the awesome test as it were, I think that we can still manage those relationships in ways that don't harm us. Absolutely. One of my favorite strategies is something I learned from Gabby Bernstein, years ago when I took one of her courses. When you're walking into a room and you are, you feel other people's energy, your empath you or empath. I'm I'm this way. You one way you can do it is, like, literally imagine yourself zipping up your energy, like, in bubble wrap. And then you can walk into the place where the people that you know aren't your favorites, but you still have to be there. And just let yourself be protected in this bubble wrap of energy and anything that comes at you just can bounce right off and you're protected and safe. I love that because it's a visual and I tend to be a visual person. I think visualization is something that I've used before. And when I use that tactic, I can actually feel my respiration rate lowered, my heart rate lowered. It's also a way to kind of reframe the situation and tell myself that regardless of what is spoken or done, that I have control over my reaction to it and it doesn't have to if someone is negative towards me in whatever manner that looks like, I don't have to reciprocate that. I can just let let it bounce right off of my my outer invisible shell. I I love that. That's exactly it. They don't you don't you can't control other people, but you can control your response to other people. So if you need to zip yourself up in some bubble wrap and walk into a place, do it. Yeah. Absolutely. So next, we're gonna talk about how self care for your mind. And I want you to think about learning and thinking and growing and all that stuff. That is also self care for your for your brain. Yeah. And you know what, Cam, I visited my mother turned 81 yesterday. No. Maybe it was day before. And I went to visit her and I spent the night with her and I saw her. She did those word searches, or word finds or whatever, and we were just sitting in the den watching TV, and I was like, wow. You know, there she is probably I don't know if my mom's heard the words self care, maybe she has, but I thought there she is taking care of her mind, doing a word search and I thought that was really cool. I love that. I love that. I'm always taking classes. I started taking classes again 2 weeks ago. So, you know, anything to keep your mind sharp for sure. I used to do Sudoku or yeah. I used to play, scrabble online too. Yeah. I'm currently in at the beach with one of my kids and my husband and a friend and we were playing a card game. So, you know, that that has a double positive effect. I'm with people I love and I'm kind of working my mind as I, you know, calculate my next card move. So, you know, there's lots of ways to nourish your mind. Journaling works for some people. I have gone through periods where I have been a great journaler. In times of difficulty, it kinda gives me a way to get rid of some thoughts that I need to shed. And that works for some and not for others, but I think it's definitely a tool in the toolbox. I wholly totally agree. And then I'm, also, other than taking classes, I'm always working with a coach. And so I love coaching because they can help you, reflect what you can't see in yourself because you're too close to the situation. So that's another way to, like, grow and learn about yourself is working with somebody else that can be a mirror to you. I do love that and I've got had therapy which I loved as well. I'm not currently seeing anybody but I have, and I use devotional time or meditative time also as a time of reflection to heal my mind, and that seems to work really well for me. I've been doing that for years. Yeah. And actually meditation falls into the next category. So what can we do? Self care to care for your spirit, your purpose, your meaning in life. And meditation definitely falls into both categories, your mind as well as your spirit, like who you are at the core. Yeah. And I think that the the spiritual element of our well-being is often neglected. I am not in any way, putting any shade on anyone who claims that, you know, they are spiritual and not religious. I want everyone to do their own thing. I'm a firm believer that you have to follow your own path, but I think if you say you're spiritual, but you're not doing anything to support and nourish it, it's a little bit hollow. So whether it's, practicing gratitude, which I also love, or spending time in nature, something to to satisfy that need of connection with the greater good or the planet or whatever you wanna call it. I personally think that's extremely beneficial. Yeah. Because you're just like a little speck of sand and you have to believe in a greater power than you. You're, you're not the whole world. Right. Exactly. Because when we do that, it has a a tendency to drain our energy. Right? Like if we get so mired down, and I fall into this all the time, I get so tunnel vision on my little problems, whatever's happening at work, whatever's happening with my kids, you know, it's easy to forget that I am that speck of sand. It's very humbling, but also empowering to think the world does not revolve around me and I need to be so grateful for what I contribute to the world and we're all gonna make mistakes and it's fine. So I love that, you know, kind of looking outside yourself and saying, wow, how fortunate and am I. And you know, you're at the beach and I'm leaving for Arizona tomorrow and we're going to be in these beautiful locations this whole next week. And it's really easy to pause and find gratitude for the beauty of the earth, but we should find that beauty every single day. I don't know how to say it. Right? Yeah. I was actually thinking about that today, Cam, because at the beach, I'm like, oh, man. What if we just sold everything and moved to the beach? Wouldn't that be great? And we've talked about this before from the perspective of being present, but thinking the coulda, shoulda, woulda paradigm. Mhmm. You know, it it would all be great if well, no. We need to be experiencing that greatness with what we have currently, and I think it's possible. Mhmm. It's totally possible. I had a girlfriend call me earlier this week, and she's one of my dear friends, and I'm 20 years older than her. That doesn't matter. We're still awesome friends. She's going through some health situations right now, and she was talking about when she starts her day with gratitude, her whole day goes better. And so in the middle of this chaos of, you know, trying to figure out what's going on, when she finds gratitude and when she acknowledges that gratitude, her whole day goes better and what she sees is different than what she when she doesn't practice. So, you know. I think it's wonderful. And if she's 20 years younger than us and she's finding this for her. Yeah. Right. I was, yeah, I was well into my forties before I even tried it and it took several years and I'm not perfect. There's a lot of days where I'm anxious. I get in the car to go to work and things a thousand things have gone wrong, and I'm driving and I'm looking at the trees and the sunshine, and sometimes there's a little bit of fog or mist, and I think, wow. How fortunate am I? I don't look at the hour commute that I have to work. I look at how great how great an honor it is to just observe nature around me during that time of the morning. Yeah. Practicing being present is tough, but good job. Yeah. I have to work at it. I'm not gonna lie. Uh-huh. Yeah. So now we're gonna move on. So those are like self care. Again, it's to promote your health. It's, you know, it's for your health. It's to be live a vibrant life. We're We're gonna move on to pampering. This is like the indulgent side of things. Right. Exactly. And I think so frequently in pop culture, these things that we we are we are calling pampering are not quite necessary, but they're termed as self care. One of my favorites because I love to do this is a manicure and a pedicure. Let's face it. I mean, I could go my entire life without a manicure or a pedicure and the world would not come to an end. But it's fun, and it does feel nurturing when I do it. So but I do term those as pampering. I agree. Yeah. I think I was in my forties when I first did all that, and I was like, this is amazing. Where has this been all my life? Oh. Yeah, for sure. And this next one, there might be some debate on this one. I've got on the list vacationing with friends and you're, I'm with a friend and my family this week and you're going with friends. So I think depending on your situation, maybe there's times in your life where you feel real depleted where this is a self care. But if everything's going along swimmingly, maybe it's a little bit of pampering. What's your opinion on that? You know, it's hard because I can see both sides of this one. Going with them and being in nature and, like, going hiking in Sedona. Come on. That's gonna be amazing. And that's gonna be so good for my my my mind, especially with the chaos of last week's mammogram, you know, stuff. So I think having positive social connections, I feel like that's self care. Now could we have done that, like, in the tri state area instead of flying all the way to the other side of the United States? Yes. So that part's indulgent. Right. And I agree. And I think that's important that we, you know, you've planned for this. And I think that that there's, there should be no guilt about it and I love it, but there is a slight difference and I love the the way that you looked at it one way to be self care and another way to be pampering. Yeah. Right. Because we could have gone hiking right here in Indiana or Kentucky or Ohio, But we don't. We're not. We're going. You know? So yeah. The next one on our list is shopping. And, shopping's interesting. You know, sometimes I feel I catch myself shopping for a moan an emotion. Not Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So you've experienced that before too? Oh, yeah. And I mean, the common catchphrase is retail therapy. Yeah. Let's face it. Unless you're buying groceries, shopping is not therapeutic per se. Now I get a rush when I buy a new I love new shoes. So, you know, if I buy that new pair of shoes, I'm gonna love it and it's gonna feel great. If it was an an elaborate or, luxurious thing that I really didn't need, I do carry a little bit of guilt about that. So that's a tough one for me, but I do think that in general, retail therapy is a form of pampering and not really self care. Yeah. Right. And we're not dishing it because we all do it. Right. Oh, totally. Yeah. Well, let's just be honest about what role it serves because here's the thing, Cam. If you really if you really view it as self care, it can very easily get out of control. And I've seen this with women where they have clothes that they're about ready to give to the goodwill that still have the tags on it. Mhmm. So I think there's a point at which you have to recognize what it is and don't be shamed about it or don't feel guilty, but just own what it is and recognize that I enjoy this and this is what purpose it serves in my life. Yeah. I've been consciously saying, okay, does this color look good on me? Do I really love this? Am I going am I why am I buying this? I've been trying to slow down my shopping habits. Here here's what I like to say, and this came from a college friend of mine. We go in a store, a group of us, and she'd look at something and she'd say, can I live without this? If this is something I can't live without, I'll buy it. And I I just chuckle because sometimes you feel that attracted to something. And I have clothes that I've had for 6 months or 10 years and I'm like, I'm glad I bought this. I can't live without it. I wear it every week. Mhmm. But there's some items I'm like, oh, crap. I probably should. I know. What was I thinking? Yes. Like, what was I thinking? Next one, I would say haircut and hair color and, like, doing that. That is definitely pampering in my book. Yeah. I totally agree. And I do it. I am so guilty. I have recently I don't think I even told you this, Cam. I went to see my kids in July, and I've colored my hair for probably decades if I'm honest. And one of my kids was like, mom, I think you should not color your hair. I think it would be really pretty. And the other kid was like, no color, do the hair color. So I've opted for the time and my hair is very short to stop coloring and see if I like it. So my stylist is one of my friends and she, showed up for my color appointment about 2 weeks ago and I told her this and she was like, fine. Let's give it a try. If you hate it in 2 weeks, I'll fit you in. So I'm gonna try I'm still gonna get my sassy cute short haircut, but I'm gonna try to go without color for a while. Yeah. I go through stages like that. I just recently got a little bit more color, but and my hair is getting really dark as I get older. And I can see a a few random grays, which is fine. But, it I don't really have blonde hair anymore. So why am I getting blonde highlights? Like I was rethinking that whole thing so Yeah. I mean, I think we're in agreement on this one that it is, you know, pampering. But again, if it's something that really provides value and it makes you feel better and you can afford it, I'm not opposed. Yeah. I mean, a good haircut, like you were saying sassy, like, that, you know, maybe that's part self care because you feel good about yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It's going above and beyond. Like, do we really need hair color? Right. Exactly. Yeah. And and you know, I just, I think that we have to, as long as we're honest with ourselves, any of this is okay, which leads us to kind of the last is wine. We've talked about alcohol. I think you and I have very healthy relationships with alcohol. You and I both listen to a lot of health and wellness experts and let's be honest, there's no real health benefit or nutritional benefit to alcohol. I think there's a ton of other things we in Western culture consume beverage wise that are worse than a glass of wine, but I've really cut back. So I think this is another one of those things like an extravagant trip or, you know, paying a lot of money for your hairdo that maybe just is one of those things that you just think, how much, how much? Maybe it's not a matter of if you consume it or if you do it, but how much? Maybe we're talking about moderation here. Yeah. Maybe that's it. And so I, I share that, we get our wine from dry farmed wine now. So I love that. Yeah. But that's that is pampering. I mean, so there's less chemicals. Okay. But am I lying to myself? It's still alcohol. It's still a toxin. Like, you know, so And you know what? Probably because I've really been investigating the subject cam, all kinds of ads are coming up on my social media about alcohol free alternatives. Uh-huh. And, again, this I didn't even share this. Maybe I maybe I shared it with you or not, but, there's this company from which I ordered. They're little, like, packets of herbs, and you put it you dissolve it in water, and it's like a mocktail, but it actually has adaptogens in it too, and so I'm gonna try that this week at the beach. There's also some, things you can buy, I think, at like a wine store that's like a cocktail alternative that's basically made of herbs or, some of them are like mint or basil or whatever. And so I think there's really a wide range of things that we can use, in fact, I'm not above putting some apple juice in a wine glass or some sparkling water with lime, so there's a lot of alternatives here that we can use to get that self care feeling without the toxin. Yeah. Right? And, yeah, I think putting it in a nice glass is very important. Add some you know, if you have mint or basil, throw that in there or, you know, some berries or something, you know, make it fancy. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's such a key point. Anything that feels that feels sexy, fancy, indulgent can help with your self care and your attitude and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Mhmm. So just looking at what makes you happy and kind of investing your energy, your time, and your money into those things is self care. I totally agree with that. Yeah. So what's your favorite way to pamper yourself? Do you have a favorite way? Oh, well, I love a good manicure and a pedicure, so that's probably mine. But because you know for me, Cam, I almost think like a massage with all of my extreme athleticism in the past. Massage is almost almost self care end of the spectrum for me because I feel like that keeps me from going to the orthopedist. I totally agree with that. It's so I I would also put massage on self care, but, a pedicure or something with my feet. I don't know. Rub my feet and I love you forever. So I'm gonna put that on pampering. Yeah, I totally agree. But, you know, I think the, the take home here is there is a difference. So don't don't fool yourself, but definitely we want you to do what feels good. And we'd love to hear from you ladies and gents, if you're listening, Shoot us a line, tell us what your favorite self care and pampering things are. Thanks for listening today. You can find us on Instagram@midlife.mommas. For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below, and we will talk to you next week.