How to prepare for your parents’ senior years (while also taking care of yourself) with Star Bradbury

November is National Family Caregivers Month!
Join us for this fabulous conversation with Star Bradbury, author of Successfully Navigating Your Parents' Senior Years - Critical information to maximize their independence and make sure they get the care they need.

Star talks about making a plan, broaching sensitive subjects, holding family meetings, dealing with dissenting opinions, and so much more! None of us want to think about our parents' (or our own!) long-term care and lack of independence, but if you plan early and have open, honest conversations, you can avoid the trauma of having to make decisions during a crisis!

00:02:44 Developing a plan for long-term care.
00:05:15 Approach sensitive topics with loved ones.
00:08:15 Mom's experience with stepdad's decline, burial planned.
00:10:20 Principle 1: Maximize parents' and seniors' independence.
00:13:55 Helping others in need while maintaining independence.
00:17:44 Caregiver burnout can be prevented - prioritize self-care.
00:21:30 Eye contact, physical presence crucial in caregiving.
00:25:25 Colleagues offer generational wisdom, happier social environment.
00:28:47 Reevaluate and change senior plan with support.
00:32:22 Love story, 3-5 year plan, retirement challenges.
00:34:11 Ensure your home is safe and connected.
00:37:58 Long-term care insurance is exciting and freeing.
00:40:39 35% off book for National Family Caregivers Month.
00:44:27 Contact info in show description, talk next week.

Connect With Star Bradbury-

November Book Deal: Save 35% in November -Use CAREGIVER at checkout
https://starbradbury.com/november-is-national-family-caregivers-month/

Resources available here:
https://starbradbury.com/resources/

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Transcript

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How to prepare for your parents' senior years while taking care of yourself. Hi. I'm Cam, Holistic health coach, mom to 2 humans and 4 pets. Hi. I'm Amelia, laboratory scientist by day and food scientist by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect Real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and Hey, everyone. We are so excited to have a guest with us today, Star Bradbury, aging life care specialist and CEO of Senior Living Strategies, Starr Bradbury, author of Successfully Navigating Your Parents' Senior Years, has helped thousands of families Make educated and informed decisions as they navigate the world of senior living and senior health care. She has 25 years of experience in the industry and is the founder of Senior Living Strategies and an aging life care expert. She specializes in developing resilient and flexible plans that promote independence and focuses on optimal quality of life for elders. Welcome, Star, to the show. Thank you. I am really thrilled to be here and be part of of your mission here. Well, aging parents is definitely part of the midlife journey. So you hit this place, and we need to know more about this. It it is so much a part of the journey. And, that was one of of my commitments in writing the book, was orienting the whole focus of the book to help adult children be prepared ahead of a crisis. I like to say it's not if your parents are going to need help, it's when. And that's really what I try to stress. It's it's when. And, you know, if there's any any advice that I can just give at the very beginning of your show, it's Don't assume that, because your parents are doing great that they're gonna be doing great forever. Because having been in the senior living industry, as long as I have, that can change quickly. And so anticipate anticipate that and do what you can to Get ready. Develop a plan. And I think that's the whole moral of the story. Like, when we have we are adult children, we have parents, and we're planning for our parents' senior Here's like, where in the heck do you even start star? Where do you start? Oh, gosh. You sure you wanna get me started? You know, the the the whole, 1st section of the book part 1 is called developing a plan. And then I really lay out a step by step guide about how to approach Developing a plan. And, of course, I'm it's gonna be different depending on each person, how old their parents are, The health of their parents and and really, you can't you can't really develop a plan without looking at how are you going to pay for Care, whether it's home care or long term care or a facility care, not with the cost of care these days. And so, there's a lot to cover when you start these conversations. But if I have one worded of advice, it's start them soon. People say, well, what's the perfect age? And my answer is or younger before they're even retired. And then people say, why why so early? You know, your parents are gonna think you're out of your mind if you start this conversation. And my responses from my from my age perspective is, no. They won't. Because like you both said, if they've already been through this with their Parents to one degree or another losing their parents. And by the time they're 60 or 70, unless their parents are 95, which possible. I have lots of friends whose parents are still in their nineties. You know, but they've all been through something and they can relate to you if you come and you say, Gosh. You know, I've been thinking. I know you're years away from retiring, but I'd love to sit down and kind of talk to you about what your Plans are when you retire do you think you're gonna stay here or move to Florida or move closer to your your brother or your sister? Very gentle questions. Start that conversation early. Get them thinking if they're not. I I love that. I'm from the south, so some of sometimes part of our conversation centers around southern culture and that gentleness that you speak about. And in fact, my father-in-law was in his nineties and my in laws are are still independent. And maybe my husband has had these conversations with his Parents and I'm not aware of, but it is a sensitive subject. So what advice do you have for adult children approaching these tough Sensitive conversations, especially things about, senior living homes, legal paperwork which could include health power of attorney and those sorts of things with parents. Well, I'm gonna approach this a little differently because We tend we're just human beings and that means that we procrastinate and everyone is so busy and so maxed out That do you really wanna show up at the next family reunion or Thanksgiving and Christmas and say, how about those advance directives? Exactly. That never goes well. You know? So, I have a couple of hints that I think are useful. You don't necessarily need to bring these topics up at at holiday times. But what you can say is, you know, I don't wanna have this conversation now with you, mom, dad, but I would like to have a conversation sometime in the next few months Where we could sit down and really talk about some issues that are worrying me. You make it about yourself. Oh, okay. And you say something like, You know, my best friend, Susan, just went through a terrible time. She lost her dad or her mom just got diagnosed with dementia or Whatever example. And I bet you wouldn't have to make one up. Right. I bet you have all have something in your age group where something has happened and you say, I watched them go through that or remember when grandma passed away and how hard it was for you? And I don't wanna wait till there's a crisis to respond or I see what my friend's going through. I know this is hard to talk about, but I love you And I care. And I know it would be better if we develop a plan together. I wanna hear your thoughts. I'm ready to listen about what you want. I just don't wanna be guessing. I don't wanna be thrown into a crisis. I watched what happened during COVID when people were really caught, flat footed, Didn't have any of the financial paperwork, medical paperwork, any of that. And so if you approach this That you are and I hate this word, but I just have to use it. If you approach this as if I am proactive About this, it will spare me heartache and your parents. But let's say you are trying to be self preservation. Right? You know, you you all know what can happen when you're you get that call in the middle of the night, and I start my book out with that. I've got those phone calls. Your dad was just rushed to the hospital. I'm not sure he's gonna make it. What? Mhmm. I'm in Florida. He's in New York. Oh, I mean, I I have seriously probably been through So many scenarios that you think actually, if I told you all, you would say, you are making this up, Star. But I'm not. So, you know, I just felt compelled to write this book to Pay it forward and help your generation be a little more prepared. Yeah. I agree. I know, my mom went through this with my Stepdad, he, had a brain tumor and she saw his decline. And so when she was navigating things like, He needed to be in a in some sort of, senior care because she couldn't care for him. Just her physical size is so was so much smaller. Little things like if he fell, she had to call an ambulance just to get him off the floor. You know, it seems silly, but you've invoked an emergency response just Just just something for like that. And so thank goodness, those so difficult lessons for her for her to caring for him Spurred her to actually make a plan for herself and she's told me, like, she saw the accountant, she saw, Like her burial has already been paid for, like, the whole thing. But I think so many yeah. Well and I'm very fortunate because when my dad passed, It was very sudden. He got sick very fast. I didn't have to do any of those things because his demise was so rapid, but, you know But that that's a that's a that's a difficulty in and of itself. Well, it was. It was. And we navigated it and it ended up being okay. But I guess my point, Star, is that If you're lucky enough to have a parent that has undergone something like this, you are in a bit I mean, I think I was in a better position Having watched my mom and I think Cam said the same, but there's a lot of people and let's face it, we are living longer as a culture. Yeah. Do you know the fastest fastest growing demographic in the United States today is 90 to 100? Oh, I love it. I didn't know that. You know, people either say, that's fabulous or oh my god. You never know what Someone's gonna say, if you prepare to age successfully, you might be able to accomplish doing that well into your nineties. What what do you have to say about parents that want to prolong their independence? Like, what what do you say to the adult children? Well, there's 2 principles that are core principles in my book camp. Mhmm. And principle number 1, Which I think is a principle that can be broadly applied to so many situations and so many the the the arc of of aging, whether your Parents are 65 or or 90. And principle number 1 is a framework for making decisions. That every time you have a decision, You hold up this principle and you go, I wonder if I think of it through the lens of this principle, will it help inform me and make a better educated decision? So principle number 1, how can I maximize and prolong my parents' independence for the longest possible time? And in fact, you can also apply that as a senior to yourself. What decisions can I make that will maximize and prolong my independence? The beauty of this principle is think about it for a second. No one would disagree with that principle. If you sat down with your mom, your grandma, and you said, you know, if I asked you what was important to you As you get older and we work on this plan together, I'm I'm thinking just Am I right, mom? Am I right, dad? I'm thinking that it would be, how could you maximize your independence for the longest possible time? Now you're on the same page, especially if you have parents who are already experiencing some health crisis, some fear, a reluctant to talk about, I'm fine. I don't need any help. Really? You can see that that's not true, But you can't sit down and say, yes, you do. You do. That won't go well. But you could sit down and say, How can we maximize and and prolong your independence for the longest possible time? Now if the if you have some discussion, What does it mean to you to be independent? Mhmm. How does that how do you think that that shows up in your life? And and then you listen. You listen. What does that mean? You might hear something that surprises you. I who knows? Right. But Now you can start to move the conversation a little bit more forward ever gently, you know, about so so for here let's use this as an example. You have a parent who's you clearly can see they need help. They wanna say they say they wanna stay in their home. I want an age in place, Which we could talk about my opinions about that. And you're seeing that that's not going real well. Mhmm. Yet they're refusing help. So now we go back to the you know, I read this book and I was reading about this principle about maximizing your independence for the longest possible time. And I agree. I understand, mom. You wanna stay in your home. But if you allowed A home care companion to come in even twice a week or 3 times a week, and they were helping with groceries or cooking or laundry or taking you to the store or doing the things that home care companions can provide, that would help you stay in your home longer. The longer you say I don't need any help, even if it's just a little bit of help. So now you're starting to help that person see that independence is a definition that has to be resilient and has to be flexible. You know, no man is an island. Right? And as you get older, you do need help, but you also have to be sympathetic and compassionate for someone who Hasn't needed help before, doesn't want help, feels that it's an intrusion in their life and their independence. You have to flip that and help them see that getting help or the option 1. 2, let's pick a different scenario. Someone has dementia and they're already a solo senior or their spouse is no longer able to take care of them. What would what would that principle apply in that situation? Well, I can tell you because I've seen it. You might have to make a very tough decision that you said you would never do and move the person with dementia Into memory care, where their needs can be met and the caregiver can get 20 some you know, a good night sleep. And does that help maximize both of their independence? So the caregiver isn't in the hospital and the person with dementia isn't wandering the neighborhoods at 3 AM? The answer is yes even though it's a shift in your In your definition of independence, because the alternatives are not working. Absolutely. And that and that and I could go on and on about how to take this principle and apply it. Maybe it's moving to What AARP calls a livable city. Your parents are 65, you know, and they're they're looking at, like, where can we retire? And and, you know, one way to think about this, ladies, Is, a very simple definition that that clarifies things pretty immediately. I call the post retirement years. Right? Post retirement, already retired. There's the go go years, The slow go years and the no go years. What what phase of that, Are your parents in? You know, I have people who say, God, I can't even keep up with my parents. They're they're traveling. They're having the time of their life. They're and then they make the mistake that that will never change. Oh, they'll be fine. They're doing great. Of course. That's a that's No. They're not. That's a, A comfort we can't lull ourselves into, but I wanna kinda go back to what something you said about caregivers because, you know, It didn't happen in my case, but I've seen it where both of the parents are still living and it may or may not include dementia, it may be physical limitation. But the one who is less limited really feels like they're a great caregiver to the one that needs help. Right. And from an objective standpoint, you can see that that's probably not true. What we don't wanna happen is A medication error or a fall that's catastrophic and then to be like, well, I told you you weren't doing a good job at taking care of mom or whatever. So how might we frame those sorts of situations where, one one of the parents feels like I'm doing a great job, but you're thinking, I think I think you need some help as well. Well, if I think it helps to remind the caregiver That first you start by saying you are doing a great job. Okay. We are so grateful, everyone in the family, for what you're doing. And it's a lot. It's a lot though, and I'm amazed that you can keep this up. And here's the little you can say and instead of but. Right? Mhmm. Mhmm. And I've been watching again, You're now you're gonna refer to some other situation where you say, they were doing a great job too, But over time, they didn't even realize this was true in my family. They didn't even realize how exhausted they were becoming. And by the time they realized that they're really experiencing caregiver burnout, you know, they had a loss in their own health. And, mom, I don't wanna see that happen to you. So what I'd like you to consider is I know you don't need you're doing great, But wouldn't you like to know that on Tuesdays Thursdays that you would have those 2 days to run your own errands or have lunch with your friends or go to the movies or take a walk in the park. Whatever is gonna be fun and relaxing for that person So that they see it not as a, judgment about their lack of caregiving abilities, But as you I want to support you so that you can do this because if you wait until you're really burned out. Now I'm set I'm sad to say that I've seen people be so resistant. I am the only one who knows how to take care of my beloved. Very, very resistant. I I think you can don't just because they said no once doesn't mean they're not going to Change their minds over time. They may may be hard to admit. Yeah. You were right. I'm getting tired. I need help. But I I would say have if there's family members to involve, have a Zoom call if they're not all in the same town. I would say at least once a quarter. That's why things are going smoothly. And then say, could we come down and give you a break for a long weekend and make sure you're offering. Can, you know, I saw that. In fact, I'm working on a caregiving Presentation for next week here the caregivers conference. You know, I just noticed that in our town that there's these fabulous locally sourced fresh, Ingredients that you can have delivered to your home. And we can we get that for you for a present so that there's dinner, twice a week, 3 times a week, and you can choose your own menu and they blah blah blah blah. You know, don't stop offering support to the caregiver That would be kinda hard to turn down. I mean, yeah, I'd like 2 meals delivered, you know. Or, yes, I'd love a break. Or invite them to go on a trip with you and And find out what facilities in your town have short term respite care. So do some of the research and then be educate yourself on what the options are and then approach this as a united front within the family. Star, I just love how you've reframed this and, like, it's such a gentle conversation, and I I I just really appreciate how you've reframed it. In my situation, my family, I live in Northern Kentucky. I have a mom in Saint Louis and a father in in Florida. And, You know, what is your advice for people like me who have parents that are aging in different states? Zoom calls, I like that. That's a Start. Yes. That's a big start. And you know what I've learned is that especially when it comes to dementia, Parents are smart. Mhmm. Not only do they hide the dementia, for for the from the rest of the family, but they protect their spouse If it's their spouse, oh, dad's fine. He's just a little confused today. You know? And so you can't always tell on a Zoom call. Right. You gotta have eyeballs. You have to and you have to be there for 2 or 3 days. And then there's a whole list of red flags to look for that aren't gonna show up on a Zoom call and ways that you can kind of help yourself when it comes to long distance Caregiving. I have a whole chapter on long distance caregiving because, there's so many things I think families and and Individuals can do to be prepared for that inevitable when, not if, Your parents need help. And again, it I mean, you have to you have to be willing to be self Disciplined about gathering this information because it's so easy to wait. But I promise you, and I know you you may have both experienced this, If you wait for that crisis, you start to lose options. Options that might have been so much more preferable Had you anticipated them? Had had like, if you see that somebody's struggling or somebody's been diagnosed with something, You don't have to wait 3 years to until the fall happens if you can avoid it, you know, or the, you know, the caregiver's in the hospital first Or or they're in a 3 story house where all the bedrooms and bathrooms or a 2 story house are upstairs, and they're saying, oh, we're gonna age in place. And Mom's already had hip replacement surgery, and you're wondering how that's gonna go, you know, when if they can't negotiate up and downstairs. So if you if you know that, then then you bring in the conversation. Have you thought about downsizing or moving closer to me? Maybe not with me. Let's go tour some of these fabulous retired communities. And and, you know, I'll tell you and and I almost changed the title of the book to your parents don't wanna live with you either because it's true. Uh-huh. Your parents love you. Now you all you I know you mentioned you have kids, so it's kind of hard to imagine yourself 20 years older. But would you say, yeah. I can't wait to live with my daughter. No. I don't want my kids to come back. My son do. You know? You just You would love your kids, but that doesn't mean you wanna live with them. But your kids don't know that. That's so that And so you could say, listen, I don't wanna live with you. Let's make the plan so that so that you're there for my support. Maybe nearby. That's always helpful. But but let's let's work on a plan together that that that respects healthy boundaries Mhmm. That takes into consideration the adult child's willingness, ability, And availability to be part of that support team. Don't get guilt tripped into saying, Yes. You can come and live with me and then go slam down 3 martinis after you offer that. You know? It's like, oh my god. Why did I say that? I mean, I've Seeing people promise things that that cost them dearly. Don't do that. I saw this I saw this with my mom. So my grandmother lived in Southern Georgia. My mom was in Missouri. So they moved we moved my grandma up To St. Louis with my mom, and they lived together for a minute. And my mom was, you know, still working, selling real estate. It was It was stress mom's an only child. It was very stressful for her, and so grandma moved to, Like, an assisted living care, and they had linens on the table cloth and flowers and dinner. And Minnie Bell, my grandma was in heaven. So everyone got they needed And they were happier. Yes. Absolutely. Because they have peers their age Absolutely. Colleagues their age that have generational wisdom that they can share, Far more, happier social environment than depending on your adult child who's half the time working full time, not available, Trying to raise kids still might be that sandwich generation. And so that's why that's why I say back at way up. Start talking at 50 560, 65. You know, when you retire or if you ever needed any care, what have you thought about? What might work for you? You know, there's this fabulous life care community near me and blah blah blah blah, and it takes 3 to 5 years to get into the good ones. True. Okay. True. Good to know. Good to know. Okay. Yeah. Why don't we go tour a few? And if you like them, you can get on the wait list. Doesn't mean you're gonna move, But it gives you an option. And and so you're you're thinking ahead, which brings me to principle number 2, Which is I call just in time senior planning, j I t s p. I kinda stole that just in time, concept from the Japanese manufacturing. I think it was in the 19 eighties, and some of you may be familiar with that. And the the idea was Don't have a 1000000 widgets in in in your warehouses that no longer even fit the part. Now you spent the money. You don't don't have what you need. And so and you're and you're using wasting resources. So I like to I like to, Make an analogy about your emotional and financial resources. Okay? So just in time senior planning means Look at making a plan that's only a 3 to 5 year window. 3 to 5 year window out. Why do I say Only 3 to 5 years because, a, things change and they change fast. B, there's always a curve ball you never saw. C, Does it make sense to make a 10 year plan when you don't even know what life is gonna be like then? And it's not so overwhelming if you think, okay, I can focus. I can I can handle looking at a 3 to 5 year plan? And one of the Japanese manufacturing hints that I took is continuous improvement. You're continually improving that plan. Who is? You are, your siblings, anybody on the support team? By the way, I kind of divide support teams into professional support team and family support team. So professional, I think you mentioned it. You know, your attorney, Your financial advisor, even your doctor. I advise seniors, if they're in their seventies, they're not gonna be there when you're in their eighties nineties. Make sure your professional team is young enough to be there when you need it as a senior. I went through this with my stepdad. He said, oh, I have a will. Great. Can I have the name of your attorney? I didn't ask to see the will. You you shouldn't. Don't start with that. That's That's a no brainer. Love it. You know, but but the you know, I had the attorney's name. Well, guess what? He died. He died. Yep. No. I couldn't find a will. Now luckily, I he'd already moved closer to me after my mom died. Another curveball. Mhmm. Did not think that was gonna happen, but it did. And so I moved him closer to me. And so, You know, what what I wanna stress is this 3 to 5 year window just in time senior planning means that you're continually improving the plan and reevaluating it With your your own support team, which may be your best friend who's been through this before, could be a sister or brother, maybe you're an only child, And then the professional team, that's that's your parents' team. And you're looking at this plan and saying, you know what? We're gonna have to change this plan Because after what happened last week or the surgery or the diagnosis, I think we better speed this plan up and Talk about making a move to a community that's gonna provide supportive services. Now is that a full service retirement community? Is it assisted living? Is it skilled nursing? Mhmm. Grandma's place was assisted living that had the nursing side, so it was, like, 2 sides. Is that pretty normal? No. It is not normal. Okay. And that's a really good question. Mhmm. And and I I spend a lot of time since I my experience my real life experience was so heavily in senior living. I ran an assisted living facility. I ran a memory care facility, and I spent 18 years in a life care community, also known as a continuing care retirement community. And generally speaking, assisted living communities are just that. They operate under assisted living license. And I have a whole Chapter on what is assisted living, what are the requirements, who won't get accepted, what does it cost, what questions should I ask, Same thing for full service retirement communities, and the longest chapter in the book is on life care communities because they're very complex. Those are the communities that have, high entry fees to to move into that community. So, of course, they're more complex. It's not just a monthly fee. But, it's important to educate yourself on the options so that you know Mhmm. What's available where you are. Mhmm. In case you're moving your parents closer to you, which might be remember now, we're in a if we're in a 3 to 5 year plan, it could be that they're fine where they are. They're doing great, and you're actually covering both bases. If they say, well, we don't really wanna leave our community. They've been there 30 years. All their Friends are there. Their church is there. Their place of worship is there. Their the all their doctors, that becomes more and more important. They don't wanna move. Fine. But living at home isn't working, say let's go visit some communities. And my advice, this is important, go by yourself first. Do not take them on the 1st visit. You're already going and and checking it out and taking communities off your list or on your list based on all the questions I cover in my book, vetting that community. Now you're prepared. You've already been there. Now you bring with your parents And you're watching them. You are your focus is on them and their questions. You already know the answers for most of it. So that's don't you know, that's but go and tour those communities where you are, where they are. Find out if they have a 5 year waiting list. You can't just say, yeah. I'm moving. I'm gonna move. And even some of the assisted living facilities, the good ones, Also have wait list. So it isn't all of this requires thoughtful, educated planning. I love that story, and I love the whole 3 to 5 year plan. I think that's fabulous. I wanna go back just for a second, because I know you have thoughts about some of these communities and just for transparency sake, I live in a very, it's kind of a tourist community and we have a ton of retirement, aged people, but also amazing facilities. So I haven't toured them. I don't propose to be an expert, but the idea of living in a retirement sort of situation is very usual for my community. But I think, you had mentioned to us before that, you know, with this wishing to age in place or stay in place, People think it's gonna be wonderful but it's not always wonderful. Can you tell us what sorts of things you see, for these aging in place people that might not be so positive? Well, that's that's a a a topic near and dear to my heart because after 25 years in senior living and when I ran the assisted living facility, I was the person that went to evaluate, the possible resident, and see whether or not they met the required guidelines to even be admitted. And so let's let's understand that at that point, that Person I'm evaluating, doing an assessment on already needs assisted living, or clearly they wouldn't be considering it. But what I saw changed my opinion because I too used to think, you know, I just would wanna stay in my home. And 90% of all people, according to AARP, want us to age in place in their home. But as I like to say, that is only a statement. That is not a plan. I'm just gonna stay in my home. I'm just gonna age in place. Great. But have you done what you need to to make your home safe? Is it 2 stories, like I said, where you there are no bedrooms or bathrooms downstairs? But what I what I what I'd like to tell people is that there are so many Great communities out there. And I used to go into people's homes and see, you know, with this assessment and see lonely, Very lonely people isolated from their community may be no longer driving. And and so, you know, the the question is, are they happy? Is this maximizing their independence and prolonging their independence? No. No. And we saw during COVID how loneliness kills, how separation from community and family destroys people's lives. And so let's take that knowledge and make smarter decisions. For example, I had a client who lives on 10 acres, outside of about, 20 miles outside of my town, big beautiful home. Money was not the problem. His wife had died 5 years ago, and he was so lonely and he was so depressed. And, You know, I think that the his when his cat died, that was it. You know? I mean, he just he was it wasn't good for him. And he finally understood that even though he loved his home, even though it was beautiful, it it was no longer working for him. And so he he had to accept that aging in place for him, which he always thought he would do, was really not the right choice. And it ended up moving into a retirement community. But I really wanna stress something important here. This was what I call a full service retirement Community. Meaning, yes, it had all the bells and whistles of a great retirement community, activities, social, pools, gym, Fabulous, classes. But the difference with full service is that there's all the maintenance is taken care of. It's built into your monthly fee, 24 hour security. Often, a full service retirement community will have Home care on-site that will provide home care for anybody that needs it, which could happen after a fall or surgery. And so they're already vetted. You don't have to worry about them coming into your home. They they're already in that community with a really good reputation. You're not trying to find somebody. Some of them already have a doctor's offices, which you can use or not use. I mean so it's when I say full service, there's a dining account, Multiple dining rooms. There's housekeeping. Your cable and Internet is usually included in a In 1 monthly fee, so it simplifies life. You don't have to shop. You don't have to worry about replacing the broken washing machine, And that's a full service. Some of them also have some assisted and memory care. The only model that also has skilled available to the residents is what's called a life care community, and that we could talk for an hour. I'll be happy to come back and talk. I'm I'm a fan. I I'm a big fan of life care communities, but You have to be able to afford them. Sure. You know, with the answer to how are you gonna pay for long term care, that is a conversation that has to come up Somewhere along the way. You know, it's interesting story as you said that because I actually have long term care insurance. It's a very nominal Fee, but, you know, I I have so much insurance, it's crazy. But I love these conversations because it makes me excited to get involved, To ask the questions because, you know, as you stated from the top, this is because we care about our people. This isn't that we want anything. We won't. We don't I think sometimes at least with my dad and, again, his cancer took him pretty quickly, but he felt like it was a restriction of freedom to try to move If you were to move, but indeed, it's it's makes it more freeing because, if your elder person is at home and not very mobile, The ones that I've been familiar with with have really self limited because they were afraid. And when you're in a community, you have The little bus that takes you to church or to the market or whatever. We're a court mart center here. Right. And so it's exactly Show up. Mhmm. So freeing. So, you know, I'm so excited, to read the book. I can't wait. Cam, is there any other questions you won't start to answer about the book? I know that we're, we're getting close on time, but I wanna make sure we get all the questions answered. Well, I feel like I'm walking away. My sister my own family scattered. So 1, I'm gonna read the book completely, and I'm also gonna send 1 sister. And then so then we are on the same page. And then the next step for me is to have conversations with my mom and my dad who Live in 2 different states, so we're in 4 different states. So Yes. I I can relate. I can relate. And that's, again, that's difficult. Spread out. Spread out. And I love the idea of having these conversations when it's not an emergency, and it's a beautiful time just to get on the same page. So I feel really encouraged these conversations when it's not an emergency. Yeah. I feel really encouraged. Oh, good. I could you know, because, mean, my goal my goal is to help people understand that the more they have these conversations and develop a habit of talking about the hard things because then well, starting with the easy things, moving over time to the harder things. Mhmm. That the easier the whole process goes and the easier it is for both parties, both for the parents who think, well, my daughter really cares Because she's coming from a place of I'm gonna be on your team. I'm listening to what you want. Let's work on this together, this so we can come up with something that works for you and me. But before we go, I have to say I'm excited about this. I talked to my Publisher, Ben Bella Publishing. They're just I can't say enough wonderful things about them and how fabulous they've been for me as an author to work with them. But November is National Family Caregivers Month. Yay. And they are allowing me to pass on a 35% discount off the book For the month of November. So if people the easiest thing like, I was trying to say how was the easiest thing to do? If you if people go to my website, www.starbradbury, that's starbradbury.com. And at the menu at the top, it says November book deal. You can't miss it. If you click on that, it'll take you directly to Ben Bella publishing. And then you put in the coupon code caregiver, and at checkout, it doesn't matter how many books you buy. So for families, because that's what I recommend. Yep. This is not the kind of book you wanna share. You're gonna be writing in this book in underwriting. You know, get copies for your siblings. Yep. And then, honestly, you can say, you know, mom, dad, I'm buying this copy for you even though it's written for adult kids. Tell many people that I'm reading it and giving it to my kids. So this is the month where if you go directly to to you can get that discount because it's Caregivers month. Love it. We'll put that in the show notes. Yeah. Yes. Good. Excellent. I know my sister's getting a copy for sure. Well, I wrote it to help people, and so I'm committed to getting the word out. It's perfect. Really, it's perfect. It feels it's going to be my guidebook, as I navigate, you know, the future. Appreciate it very much. Thank you. And, you can always you've got my emails, lady. I hope you do. Yes. I do. Star at starbradbury.com. You can email me and say, I have a question. I need some help. And that's actually what happened with my agent, my book agent. She she believed in the book, and then she was she was having issues with her own parents. And she said, god, I wish I'd read this before I made few of the mistakes that are a little hard to unravel. I think that's what I'm walking away with. I'm encouraged and excited to have these conversations now. That's what I feel, and I think it's one of those topics where I just wanna ignore it, push away, procrastinate, ignore. Yes. And that's not the right approach. You know what I always used to tell seniors? The ones that age successfully Always understood that the next phase of their life was the next adventure. Instead of saying, I'm losing my independence. I'm not gonna go visit. And it and and when I hear that, I realize they haven't been to some of the facilities that are out there. They're they're beautiful and gorgeous with great food and amazing activities. So they've made up their mind before before even experiencing what's possible. That's why I say resilient, flexible, open minded, never say never. My grandma was flourishing In her place, she lit it. I saw that. It's so wonderful when you see that. And, you know, what what you said about adventure, it kind of Plays to the theme of the midlife mommas. We look at midlife as the awakening, this new time in life. So if midlife is The awakening, our elder years is our adventure time. So I love it. I'm super excited. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you for the For the book, we're Kim and I will read it, and obviously, we'll put the the, website and the coupon code in the show notes. But it's been great having you, Star. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, ladies. It's been awesome. Awesome. Thanks for listening today. You can find us on Instagram at midlife.mommas. For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below, and we will talk to you next week.