Navigating Midlife Stress: From Triggers to Resilience

We all handle stress in slightly different ways, but in today's fast-paced world, most of us experience some amount of stress.
In today's episode of the Midlife Mommas, we explore stress.

• What is stress?
• How do our bodies respond to stress?
• How to identify your stress triggers
• How do the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems play a role in stress management?
• What is progesterone's role in stress management?
• What 'tricks' are there to manage stress?

00:00:00 Fitness frustration? Midlife? Change exercise. Sign up: camoyler.com/keys. August 22nd.
00:04:58 Enneagram number affects stress response, culture's influence.
00:07:37 Digestive issues, stress, dysbiosis affect body/mind.
00:10:49 Central nervous system has 2 sides: fight or flight (sympathetic) and rest and digest (parasympathetic). The vagus nerve connects our body and brain. Tap into the parasympathetic side for relaxation.
00:14:53 Forties: left teaching, marriage, CrossFit, health decline.
00:17:15 Alcohol as a crutch affects ability.
00:20:29 Olympic National Park: Amazing rainforest and mother trees.
00:23:17 Relax by engaging all your senses.
00:26:05 Box breathing: simple, effective technique for relaxation.
00:28:52 Improve breathing for better heart health.


The Science Behind the Physiological Sigh:
https://youtu.be/kSZKIupBUuc

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Transcript

0:00

Are you a midlife woman and you're frustrated with your fitness plan? It's like literally stopped working and you pull out your old tricks from your twenties and your thirties. and you realize that's not working any longer. And now that you're in midlife and your hormones have changed, you need to change how you exercise. Come learn the 4 keys to fitness after 45 and end the frustration and see the results that you deserve. Sign up at camoyler.com slash keys or head to the show notes, I'll see you on August 22nd. Oh my god. Cam, I've got so much to do. I'm going out of town this weekend, and there's all these work cast. And I'm so stressed. What do I do? I got you, Amelia. I gotcha. Hi. I'm Cam Holistic health coach, mom, the 2 humans, and 4 pets. Hi. I'm Amelia, laboratory scientists by day, and food scientists by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and follow along. We're the Midlife Mommas. Hi, everybody. We're talking about stress today. And in my opinion, stress is one of the 2 hormones we can control in midlife. Insulin's one. That's where food and stress is the other. So we're gonna talk about how in the world can we get a hold of this thing? Absa Absolutely. And this is something I've really had to learn and Cam, I've learned so much of it through you. And I love the fact that we can talk about stress as a controllable element because a lot of people feel like they cannot. They feel that stress is controlling them. So I love it. So let's just talk about what is stress. How do how do we define stress? So it's a state of mental or emotional strain. Like, or it could be physical, I would say. It could be physical strain. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. When I was coaching athletes. I told my athletes, you know, if you have a super busy week that's stressful and then you want to work out to the max, that's double stress and your body doesn't know the difference. So, yeah, I love the fact that you brought in the fact that it could be physical stress as well. Yeah. And, you know, when we are string training, we want to physically stress our so they grow in the recovery days. But then they're like you said, there's a tipping point. We don't wanna go too far. And, actually, our bandwidth for stress is greatly diminished now. And I like to say my belly is a barometer of my stress. I swear to goodness, I get bloated or just feel blah in my middle if I'm running on court as And I know that's my symbol, like, my sign to dial it back. That is so good and so intuitive that that you know that. I'm not sure I have a physical symptom, but I can definitely feel it. I have a little bit when I when I think about stress, sometimes it bleeds very easily into an anxious mind. And so my if you wanna call it physical attribute is it feels like there's a tuning fork in my chest that's kind of like vibrating at a higher rate than usual. So maybe that's heart rate. I don't know. Yeah. That's interesting. And I the other symptom I have is, like, busyness behind my eyes, which I've mentioned before. I don't know how I'll still explain it. My brain must be on overload when that's happening. Perfect. Well, let's just talk a little bit about what causes stress because I think, you know, we might think to ourselves, well, this is easy. I'm, you know, it's family struggles or its work, but let's, you know, dive into that a little bit deeper. Yeah. It could be anything that you think. Like, we always say take your thoughts to court. Right. And I've shared this before, like, a thought can cause stress, which can raise your blood sugar. Like, it's just this, hormonal cascade, hormonal waterfall of effects that can happen when you're running on stress. For sure. And for me, one of my triggers is lack sleep, I would venture to guess that has an effect on a lot of people. But when we think about stress, I don't want people to think that they are not able to cope just because what stresses them might not stress their sister or their best friend. So we're all individual beings. We all have different bandwidth based on some of these things we've already said, like diet and exercise and sleep. So really anything and what What causes some people's stress might actually be an energizing effect for other people. That's true. And and then we get to tipping point and, like, recovery takes longer and you're noticing weird injuries and you're not able to sleep and your brain is on go, And so you just have to be self aware of, like, what's going on. And I guess I always thought was stress was like, oh, I'm so stressed out like that. And I don't know. I didn't take it seriously quite honestly until I had my hysterectomy, and then I had to dial things in. Like, I had to get fine tuned, if you will, or else I wasn't I wasn't flourishing at the time. Let's just say that. Well, and you've kinda taught me that, Cam, because I think sometimes we say things to ourselves unwittingly or without intentionality, and it can lead to more stress. Sometimes I think stress in our culture and our environment is almost a badge of honor. and we know that that's not true. You know, we've spent lots of hours talking about habit stacking and about time cushioning and these things that help us reduce stress. But one of the things I'd like to mention only because it's really recent. I went to a woman's retreat this past weekend, and I went to an enneagram workshop, and we've dabbled in, discussion about enneagram, and I'm an enneagram 3. And this particular talk was specifically about, your enneagram number and roles of leadership, but she also talked about your enneagram number as a stress response and what what your number when you're in an unhealthy state will you go to? And I that really resonated with me, Cam, and it just gave me a framework So whether it's, you know, the way you were raised or your enneagram number or your personality type, there's lots of factors that can actually affect your stress response. And I would add hormones in there because that is also another factor. So Like, it feels like we're being bombarded in all directions, physical, emotional, you know, our thoughts, all the things are coming in into our body, and how can we take that stress? How can we -- relieve our body from the stress and watch things improve. Watch our hormones get balanced. Watch, you know, our minds settle. All the things. All of Yeah. And now that we're talking about that, one of the thing that helps me, I'm a I'm, you know, a scientific brained person. And when I can think about what stress is doing to my body and almost visualize this, it's really helps me try to control it or change my behavior. So tell us a little bit about the physiologic aspects of stress. Yeah. So stress drives your hormones from the top down. So it hijacks your progesterone. Actually, progesterone is the 1st hormone to, like, leave in midlife. That's your ovulation hormone. And then that causes without progesterone. progesterone's like the calming nurturing hormone of and progesterone. and it can can increase anxiety, even depression. So that's the 1st hormone to, like, leave us. And then we have estrogen leaving. And estrogen is on a roller coaster during perimenopause and then comes to its lowest level in menopause. And it's your buffer. It protects your muscles, your brain, your bones. It, like, is this barrier. And without that barrier, we gotta figure something else to put in that barrier if you meet if you know what I mean. Absolutely. One of the things, another physiologic aspect that I've noticed Not super frequently, and maybe not when I'm it stresses moderate, but digestive issues. So and it may be based on the fact that maybe my eating patterns have changed, but, you know, there can be stomach discomfort and you're a gut feeler. So you might have definitely some experience there, but it can be one on the one way, ranging from diarrhea through constipation. And if you're if stress is causing you to either eat badly or forget to eat or not hydrate, these are even worse. And what The after effect or the continued effect is dysbiosis. So it really wrecked your gut microbiome, and we know that there's so much like serotonin receptors in your gut as well as, like, how your immunity functions. So these disruptors are really affects your whole body and your mind. A 100%. And I am a gut feeler. And if I'm upset, my stomach hurts, it's like, pay attention. Like, what's going on? You know, it could be, on the form of diarrhea, or it could be constipation. It's a a a plethora of things for me, but definitely shows up in my gut. Oh, for sure. And so I'm sure there's a lot of people that can relate to that. and, you know, the idea of how much stress is enough, because you mentioned earlier that with weight training, we that is stress in its desired stress. We want to be that. but that too much stress, it looks different for everyone. Don't you think? Oh, 100%. 100%. When I was too much in 40 in my 40s is way to than now in my fifties. Could you agree with that? Yeah. Uh-huh. I I really do. And I think I had to learn that, Cam. I don't think it was inherent to me. just through our talks and doing research and talking to my functional medicine provider, you know, age is just a number or you can sleep when you're dead. All of these things are detrimental, you know, to our stress response and the way we handle our lives. And so given ourselves great during this time is absolutely critical. Yeah. It reminds me of my thirties and forties. And you mentioned it earlier, like multitasking and doing all the things, and that was like a match honor. Who made that a badge of honor? Let's put that to rest right now. 100%. And, you know, You have to battle it daily or whatever if you depending on your work environment or your family situation. I mean, I do know that other people may require less sleep than I do, and you do you boo. Like, you do you. But I don't want to be gilted into, you know, waking up and going straight to work and then working all the way through into a bed and just like, oh, yeah. I can do it all because I don't feel that way anymore at all. Yeah. And I used to brag about multitasking. Like, I was so, like, my brain's so good. What in the world? Like, right now, my brain can handle one task and do it well from start to finish, and then I pause, and then I go on to the next thing. That's how I operate now at 54. And then it's a great thing. That is a beautiful thing. So speaking of brain and nervous system, tell us a little bit about the central nervous system and how it, is affected and stressed. Yeah. I love learning about this. So we have 2 sides to our central nervous system. Our sympathetic side, which is your fight and flight side, And then we have parasympathetic, which is your rest and digest. And our vagus nerve is this amazing highway of nerves that bundle goes through our brain, through our face, through our neck, through our chest, wraps around our organs, and is a highway of information between our body and our brain. And we want to Tap into our parasympathetic, rest, and digest whenever we can. And there's tools. There's actually ways to do that. We're gonna talk about some of those coming up. But, yeah, I'm the kind of person when I learn this about the vagus nerve, I if I'm stressed out, you can see it on my face. I look wrinkly. I look tired. I can't hide my emotions. How about you? I would agree. And I would ask, like, if you can see it on your face, Is it just the stress, or do your habits like hydration and nutrition fall away? And then that actually makes it worse. Well, I'm sure that plays a role, but that's not instant. I feel like instantly I can see the stress on my face. Like, if I look at a picture and I'm like, oh, yeah. You were stressed that or no. Look at you. You were happy, and you didn't even know what day it was. Like, you know, I can look at my face and decide which side of my nervous system I was on. How about you? I'm not sure I can see it in pictures. If it if it's evident, it's because I remember that as a memory. I can occasionally when I look in the mirror see it in my eyes. It's not that I don't grind my teeth. I don't throw my brow constantly, but I definitely can see. It's almost like not vacancy in my eyes, but definitely distraction. I'm not truly present in that moment. So it's more like just just what the eyes tell me. Yeah. And so I know what you're saying. I can relate to that. I'm talking about the 2 the elevens, the two lines between my eyes. Those are my, like, tail tail. Yeah. So, yeah, it's -- That is -- -- very interesting, being self reflective. Figur figuring it out. Like, question. Be curious because that has helped me so much is before when I would get very stressed, which could easily up into anxiety I didn't stop. I didn't take a pause to say what is happening and be curious. It just, you know, the anxious thoughts are a or a downward spiral that can then put you into almost not functioning. Like, you are functioning, but certainly not at a high frequency. So just being able to pause and say, why do I feel this way? What is the trigger here and how can I mitigate this? And we all are gonna respond differently. I'm gonna use my husband for an example. When his plate is too full, he wants to take a nap. He just checks out It's interesting. It's very interesting. So I can always tell, like, oh, okay. He needs some r and r. Yeah. Actually, in this enneagram talk, I went to this weekend. There was 1 or 2 numbers that they specifically said when they get overwhelmed, they check out. It may have been nines. I'm not sure Yeah. He's a 9. Oh, I the top. Yeah. The super, like, conflicted avoidance and, you know, just wanting to keep the peace people. They just can't, you know, they just completely check out. So that's super interesting that that you notice that. Does he know that about himself? I've I've pointed out. I don't know if he, like, yeah, he hasn't studied the in in-depth yet. I think it's coming. But, just to acknowledge, like, you have habits and just being self reflective and not judgmental of yourself. I'm not judging him for taking a nap. I'm just saying this is a pattern that I've noticed. Mine is my elevens on between my eyes and my stomach aches. And, like, those are some of my triggers. you know, it's just understanding what are your triggers, and that is a sign for you to take better care of yourself or a different way to take care of yourself or whatever it is. Right? Right. Absolutely. So while we're talking about the signs, let's kinda transition a little bit to the coping. So I know there's some things on your list that didn't work. Tell us about that. Yeah. So in my forties, I left the classroom after 18 years. My marriage first marriage was in the toilet, and I was, like, trying to figure life out. So I quit teaching, and I started exercising in the form of CrossFit. And so exercising my problems away using CrossFit worked until it didn't work. And part of my story was when I think I was 48 is when I started noticing slow recovery, weird injuries, all the things, and it ended up in a complete hysterectomy right before I turned 50. So, like, there was 18 months where it went downhill really fast. And I like to think of it this way. Looking back, I had hit my burden. My body said pay attention, pay attention, and I didn't. And so what happens is when you don't pay attention, the injuries increase or whatever, and to the point where you halt. Like, I had to pay attention when my body part were removed. So all those little whispers I ignored until I couldn't ignore them anymore. I totally agree. And I'm so glad you realize that because I think sometimes even though things aren't working, it's all we know. And so we continue down that path thinking it's going to get better. And we know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome, which never is the case. You know, I never dreamed that exercise could be harmful. Like, I never that never crossed my mind until it did. You know? And it has to do with the stress. I was stressing my body out too much for my capability. So I had life stress. I had exercise stress. At that time, I was a pescatarian. So I had that kind of stress. Like, it wasn't eating enough protein or calories, probably. And, yeah, it was just too much. It was just too much. Exactly. And I think, you know, talking about not eating enough. If you're weight training, and even doing a little bit of cardio, Sometimes we might need more calories than we think. So, you know, even if you track just for a short time, your macros are your are your calories, it might be beneficial because Not eating enough can be very stressful on your body because hangries are a real thing. Right? Like, it is for me. I know that. And sometimes I don't even realize it's hunger until after I've eating, like, a high protein snack. And I'm like, oh my god. I feel so much better. I'm so much more peace. Yeah. I totally agree with that. And Yes. I totally agree with you. I lost my thought. I don't know. It was it was brilliant, but it's gone. That's that's okay. And, you know, the whole idea of using, a crutch to deal with stress, such as alcohol, because it is legal. And that idea of numbing out, even if it's just a drink or 2, it can affect your ability. It does me. And I realized this very, late, actually. I mean, I was use an alcohol. It's a it's socially acceptable. Right? It's it's something we do with our friends, and and we have this idea that how beautiful it is to share the wine and the, you know, charcuterie board or cheese tray or whatever it is. and we think it's beautiful. And it is, but we have to think, is this really good for my body? And is this actually helping maybe the social aspect is helping stress? but is what you're consuming also, contributing? Like, is it kind of cross each other out? So I don't know. Being intentional is is super important to me. It's gotten even more so. The older I've gotten. Yeah. I think alcohol is a sneaky one because, like, oh, we'll just have a drink. I'll just, you know, And then, you know, you'll kind of, like, numb out. Like, well, what are you numbing out from? And is it causing more stress in the long term? Like, I don't know. I I still struggle with that because I do like having a glass of wine with my friends. I love that. We went to a wedding this weekend and I eat food. I don't normally eat, and I drink alcohol. I don't normally drink. I, you know, drink, and then I stayed up later than I normally do. And Yeah. So I feel fuzzy. And my body's like, what? What are you doing? Exactly. So let's talk about what in the world does work. Right now, I'm loving the insight timer. It's a free app, and they have guided meditations. They have everything on there. You can pick the topic. You can pick. I only have 10 minutes. You can pick. It's so good. And, also, they have a a 1,000,000, not a 1,000,000, but a lot of free classes. So literally any time of the day, you can log on there and you could join a free class. If you wanted, or, you know, listen to something that's recorded. So it's super super helpful for me. When I when I take a minute, when I wake up, And I take a minute and do insight timer before I jump into my day, my day just goes better. Like, when I invest in myself first, it just runs smoother. I know you have a similar experience. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. I do medication, medication, but also, Freudian slip. Wasn't it? I do, you know, meditation every single more morning, and it makes a huge difference. now won't say it's the mat for me, it's not the magic bullet. You know, if I do my devotions and my my meditation in the morning, And then on the way to work, I get a call or I get to work and open an email that's stressful. It's not like I'm like, oh, it's okay. Like, I've done my thing and it's all zent, but it does give me a framework for grounding. I mean, that's another Like, I actually don't do grounding where you actually sit or walk or place your feet on the earth as much as I should. but I believe in that, I also But, yeah, that that first morning habit is super important. Yeah. Go hug a tree, Emilia. Absolutely. No kidding. I have a story. We went to Olympic National Park recently, and we did the tour at the the Ho Rainforest, which is amazing. There was a rainforest in Washington State is crazy. Let let that blow your mind for a minute. But we took, MJ was her name, and we took, like, a a tour a little guided from a ranger. And she was talking about the study of how all the trees are connected underground and how their roots so awesome. And, she was even even talking about the mother tree, and there was a lot of logging and, you know, research in Washington State for trees, for, you know, industry. And if the mother tree is removed, the other trees around also die. They do not flourish. And so there's this concept that there is actually a mother tree, which I think is awesome, and how their roots are connected, via fungi. It was fascinating. Anyway, Get out in mother nature, put your feet on the earth, hug a tree, go to the beach, whatever. Right. And, you know, that's just another nature example from Nature Cam that shows interconnectedness. And one of the things when I get stressed is my vision literally and figuratively telescopes into something small. The the the problem at hand And I forget that I'm just this tiny speck in this huge interconnected world. Mhmm. You know, of spirituality, of community, And that helps me a lot to to remember this is a blip on the radar of time, a blip on the radar of my life. And so I realized that people have ongoing stress that is real. They may be dealing with grief or illness that's not doesn't feel like a blip for sure, but sometimes kind of trying to take a wide angle view of your life the world and community and feel supported by those other people because sometimes it feels either embarrassing or you feel alone in these issues that call stress. And, you know, if you can reach out to a friend or a family member I think that can be really helpful in providing perspective. I agree with you. And I also wanna mention the book, Imagine Heaven, which I mentioned in another podcast. our summer read podcast. And imagine heaven, it's about people that did near the had near death experiences and came back to reports And one of the things they talked about was how nature, trees, animals, everything were communicating with one another instantly. through not words, but like light and just knowing and just knowing that you're part of that beautiful intricate can't explain system like what you're saying is very helpful to me to me. I I find that full. Mhmm. That's so awesome. One of my other tools I learned actually from a therapist is, there's another word for it, but I call five senses where if you feel very stressed at a moment in time and you can do this anywhere, you know, at work, at home and your kitchen on a trip, whatever, where you actually stop and you assess the 5 senses, what are like, three things I can see, smell, touch, hear. What's the last one? What am I what sense am I missing? I don't know. I don't know. It seems like there was fab. Yeah. But, you know, basically, what that does is it removes your mind on that problem. So it's it's an it's an exercise and redirection is really what it is. And I found it to be really helpful, and it doesn't take long. you know, if I'm at work and I get an email, or realize I've missed something or whatever, a lot of times I'll take a break and just get up. my inclination and my tendency is to dive deeper into the hole of despair and be like, oh my gosh. What have I done or not done and how is gonna impact other people. But the truth of the matter is if you remove yourself even for 3 minutes from the situation, The world is not gonna fall. The sky is not gonna fall, and you will be better positioned to figure out the fix once your mind is calmer. I like the 5 senses. I think it's like, awakening you back to the present mommas. And we're the same, Amelia. When I find out they made a mistake, or I just wanna dive in deeper and go figure it, like, and fix it and blah blah blah. Now I know I'm a 1 and you're a 3, so our motivations are slightly different, but the reaction is the same. Yeah. I can relate to that so much. Yeah. And, I mean, I'm not saying don't do anything to fix it. Don't numb out of it, but you have to be clear and present to find the fix. Mhmm. And, own the mistake. That's another thing I've had to learn because making mistakes is extremely stressful. Even if they're perceived, Cam, that's the weird part is sometimes I can feel like I made a mistake, and it literally is no big deal. I have put all of this pressure on myself. and no one else perceives this as a mistake. My husband tells me all the time, don't own the whole process. Like, if you're a piece of a process, if if something goes awry, don't automatically assume that what you did was the problem. And I do it all the time. So Yeah. I mean, that's very powerful. I don't own the process. I'm gonna pick that up and carry it around. Tell your hubby. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. He's really good. at, looking at things from from a from a proper perspective. I mean, maybe maybe he only does that for me. Maybe he he it's harder for himself. I don't know, but it's is very welcome in my world. Yeah. I love that. For me, when I'm feeling like in the mommas, rather than 5 senses, is just connecting back to my breathing, And, my story about breathing, I think I was breathing through my shoulder all through my forties. Like, my right shoulder was hiked up to my ear. And, when I started I started also going to the chiropractor. And one of the things he taught me was out of breathe because I guess I wasn't. My, shoulder is not a breathing mechanism. anyway. so there's 2 kinds of breathing. I really like box breathing, which we've talked about before. We'll go over in a minute. And the physiological side is my newest one, which I'm love, love, love. So box breathing is very simple. You imagine a box you inhale on one side of the box. You hold on the second side of the box. You exhale for longer on the third side of the box. and then you hold the exhale. So you visualize a box and you literally breathe around the box. And it really, like, gives you something to see in your mind's eye and also checks in with your body. I really like that one a lot. I've used that for sure. I think I learned it from you probably than a year ago, and I have definitely used that. And this can, go through a few cycles or many cycles. It's so helpful. And you can do it anywhere. It's another one of those tools that you don't have to be in a certain location in order to do this. Yeah. It's it's free and it's readily available. And, like, you know, that tightness in your chest that you were talking about or that busyness behind my eyes You can check-in with yourself. Do you feel different? Is your heart rate slower? Is your breathing more calm? Like, all of the things, like, check-in with yourself because I believe you are your own best boss. So, you know, did it work for you? And if it didn't, that's okay. It, you know, it may work. It may not. Maybe some days it does. Some days it doesn't. It's okay. Absolutely. Good good advice. I love all of these things. stress is one of my favorite subjects because it was it ruled my life for so long, and I feel so empowered now that it doesn't have to rule my life. It doesn't It's not obliterated. That would be a lie if I said that, but it's so empowering to feel like you have the tools to control this. And that's the whole thing is we're offering you, some suggestions and then you have to decide what's your tolerance, what's working, what's not working. I do wanna talk about this next one. This one's amazing. This is the physiological side, and we will link a YouTube video by doctor Heberman explaining the science behind it. but let's do it. You wanna do it with me? Okay. So I want you to inhale for through your nose and then sip 1 more inhale. and then exhale for longer through your nose. Oh, so you just special it through your nose. I did it through my mouth, so I probably need to -- That's alright. Okay. So inhale through your nose like a normal breath, and then inhale a little bit more. So it's 2 inhales. And then you're gonna exhale for longer. This is amazing because 1, it's like opening up the air sacs in your lungs, that second inhale, which we don't use. We don't u fully utilize our whole lung capacity. So there's the science behind that. And when you exhale, you are triggering your parasympathetic, which is your rest digest side of your nervous system. And, it has to do with your diaphragm, and it has to do with how your diaphragm moves when you breathe, and it's actually increasing or improving your heart rate variability. So your heart rate variability without getting into the weeds is basically the space between your heartbeats. And they're not they're not equal. That that was surprising to me when I learned that. It's not like a steady your heartbeat does not have a steady rhythm. It sometimes goes faster, sometimes goes slower, but the space between your heartbeat is your heart rate variability. And exhaling for longer is just like a little hack if you will to tap into that parasympathetic side of your, nervous system. So hope you enjoy Absolutely. Great work and such helpful tools. Thank you. You're welcome. At the end of the day, Just be curious. Ask yourself questions and be reflective because you deserve to live a less stressed midlife. Thanks for listening today. You can find us on instagram@midlife.mommas. For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below, and we will talk to you next week.