Time: Navigating Midlife with Intentionality

Have you ever heard the phrase, "The days are long but the years are short"?
This feels especially true in midlife. As we embrace our midlife awakening, we must live intentionally and realize that time is a gift. While we can't create more time, we can make the most of the time we DO have by living fully.
In this episode of the Midlife Mommas, we get a little philosophical about time. We are still our funny selves, we dive into the deep meaning of time and explore topics like:

• Time as currency
• How do you "multiply" time?
• How do you budget time?
• What is your time mission statement?
• How do you base your future not on your past, but on your intentions?

00:02:33 Time expands and contracts, but it's fleeting.
00:05:19 Agreeing, limited time, Hawaii, volcanic lava.
00:07:15 "Do you have a minute? Time matters."
00:12:23 Cam taught me to value sleep.
00:16:12 Limit unhealthy relationships, take back your power.
00:18:37 "Managing time and setting weekly goals intentionally."
00:20:43 Recognizing the importance of reaching out to others.
00:25:23 Learned to say no, prioritize self-care.
00:26:58 Choose love over fear for better outcomes.
00:30:13 Business coach is wise, seeking present moment.

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Amelia

• Website: https://www.thehelpfulplate.com/
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Cam

• Website: https://www.camoyler.com/
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Transcript

0:03

Cam, what time is it? It's time to record. Hi, I'm Cam Holistic, health coach, mom to two humans and four pets. Hi, I'm Amelia, laboratory scientist by day and food scientist by night. Welcome to our show. Join us as we share our holistic approach to life after 50. You can expect real life stories with a dash of humor and a ton of truth. If it happens in midlife, we're going to talk about it. So hit that subscribe button and follow along. We're the Midlife Mommas. So we are talking about time today. This is a timely subject. Yeah. Amelia, do you have any milestone birthdays? Like, you can remember? Like a 50 or a 40 or. Do you have any that is a really good question. You are going to laugh so hard when I tell you what the biggest milestone for me has been in my 55 years. And it was age ten when I got to be double digits. I thought I was the stuff. And I remember that birthday because my grandmother was sick and my mom and I were staying with her and all my cousins were there. And so age ten was my milestone birthday. How about you? I remember a story. You printed invitations, invited everyone to some birthday. What was that? That was my 50th. That was my 50th. And for my 50th, I just basically handed out they looked like business cards. And when I saw someone in the community that I knew and that I liked, I was like, here. And literally Cam, I think we bought two. We used to call them pony kegs of beer. I don't know what they call them now. And we prepared no food. I said, bring yourself and a dish to share. And we had, like, 50 people, so it was fun. That's amazing. 50 for 50. I love it. Something like that. How about just imagine? I can imagine you in the grocery store handing out these cards. Well, I remember turning 40 and I'm like, wow, this is going to be the most amazing year of my life. 40 is not old. When you think about your parents being 40 I don't know. I don't know. This isn't old. I feel awesome. And Amelia, honestly, that was the poopiest year of my life. Honestly, that's the year I quit teaching. That was the year I was like, what's happening in my marriage? Like, I was blindsided and it was not a good year. But anyway, that was my milestone. But you know what? At about that time of life, Cam, I feel like we really feel the presence of time. When your kids are little, what do they say? The days are long and the years are short. And I remember being in college and thinking, oh, my gosh, when is this semester ever going to be over? And when I was 20, I was like, when am I ever going to be 21? So I can order wine at dinner, and then all of a sudden at 40, you're like, wow, time has flown. The last 20 years have flown. So time feels like it expands and contracts, although we know it actually does not. No, it's right. It's all there. 24 hours in a day, 365 days in a year. I have one more story. My 50th birthday was my hysterectomy, so I really celebrate hard over here. You really do. You take those decades very seriously. I love that. Well, 60 is going to be amazing. You count my word on that one. I will hold you to it, no doubt. Well, we have a statistic about time and youth that really I think you put this in here, which it was sobering for me that 93% of the time with our kids we've spent what is it? Let me get this right. We have spent 93% of face to face time with our kids by the time they graduate high school. Yeah. I mean, now that my kids are on there, I feel that's true. What about you? Do you feel that's true? Yeah, I do. And since we've started the notes on this episode and I read that statistic, I've cared more for even the phone calls I have with my children because I did not love when my kids were little. I don't love kids in general, so those were long days for me. But I do miss them because I really enjoy their company as adults. Yeah, I write 93%. So we have the 7% of face to face time left once they leave high school. Yeah, I really feel it's true. I feel like when the world shut down in 2020 and my daughter came home from college, that was one of the greatest highlights of that time period. She was home from March until April, and I just loved every second. So I feel like I got some bonus percent. Yeah, that's really cool. So if people say to you, time is a gift, do you believe that's true? I haven't really ever thought about it. I've honestly not thought about it. But what I do know, it's limited and it's finite. Like, you have a certain amount of time on this Earth, period. We don't know what that is, but I feel like in midlife, it's even, like, not urgent, but I'm not going to put off my better days until tomorrow. I'm just not doing it. I agree with you. Many years ago, I think the first time, we've been to Hawaii twice, and we only went to the Big Island of Hawaii, but we did go to Volcanoes National Park. And one of the tour guide said the only new Earth that is created is volcanic lava flow, like when it actually flows out and creates new Earth. And so when I think about time as a gift and it's limited, I think about, obviously, land mass as well. And with a lot of the climatological changes. We are concerned about that, but we should be concerned about time. We should be intentional with the use of time. And too often, I think we get caught up in the small stuff on a day to day basis, and we forget that we can't get those moments back. No, and you know what? You're right about when your kids were younger and wishing, or even when we were younger, wishing our days away. Like, what is that? But then you get to this stage of life and you're like, no, I'm making the most of every single day. I'm not going to sit and be sad, or I'm going to go do life. Right? Absolutely. And another way I like to think of time is time as currency. It's more valuable than money. I mean, you can theoretically work more hours to make more money, but you can't create more time. And I, for one, get caught up in the minutiae of life. I'm a performer. I'm an enneagram three, and I love it bothers me if I haven't performed well at work as a parent or as a friend. So I have to be very intentional with the time I put into those relationships because I can't get it back. I really like that idea, because you can't get time back, but you can always do something energetically to create more money in your life. But time, once it's gone, that little sand clicker. What are they called? Hourglass. It's an hourglass, yeah. Once the sand gets out of the hourglass, it's over. And what do you think? I hear this in the office a lot, and I tried to be even now, when I approach someone else's office, do you have a minute? And people say that like, it's really going to be a minute. And sometimes when someone asks me that question, I'm annoyed because I feel like I really don't. But I feel bad saying that. But when we were really researching this and I was thinking about my work performance, I thought, it's more important how I treat people at work than it is the work performance itself. And that has to do with time. How do I use my time? And do I make people feel valuable? I agree with you. Like, anytime you're investing in another human and then getting to know them or listening to them or whatever, it is that's time. That's well spent. That's well spent time. I totally agree. And I think for some people, it's very easy if you're really easy going. And I don't know what enneagram number that would be that's tuned into relationships, but for some of us, it is hard. I'm go go a mile a minute, it feels like. So I have to really think about it. And in fact, I think it was the last episode, maybe not the last. I can't remember when we talked about books and the ruthless elimination of Hurry, which I haven't read it you recommended it and I bought the book. So I can't wait to get into that and see what it says about hurry and time. Yeah. All right. So I've got a note here that says tiny wins or tiny losses. And I can't remember why I put that in there. Cam, I don't know why you put that there either. I think it has to do with time as compounding. How do you multiply time? Like, how do you create more? And I'm thinking that has to do with good habits and it has to do with we've talked about this many times when we use time cushioning and we compound, like, I'll do all the errands in one area of town at one time. But you have to be intentional. I think this is just if you don't really think about how you're using the time, it will get away from you and then you're going to be frustrated. I agree with the running errands like that is the biggest waste of time. If you're, like, going back and forth, back and forth, and you could have just done it all in one shot, for sure. I did find a quote from one of our favorite authors from Atomic Habits, James Clear. This is how he says you can multiply time. Here's his quote. Time magnifies the margin between success and failure. It will multiply whatever you feed it. Good habits make your time an ally. Bad habits make your time an enemy. Whoa. Yeah, that's pretty profound and mind boggling. And as you were reading that, I was thinking about one of the good habits that help me manage time is sleep. And we talk about sleep all the time. If I am sleep deprived, everything feels like a battle, and time feels like it's either at warp speed and I'm never getting anything done or it's dragging and I can't wait for bedtime the next day. So I agree with this. I think that, again, you have to be intentional. But making time your ally is pretty profound to me, and I'm not exactly sure how to do it well. I think every time you invest in your health, every time you choose to eat a certain way or exercise a certain way or take a walk, you're multiplying your time in a beneficial way. You're creating habits and you're creating a better life for yourself. Whereas if you were doing the opposite thing, then you have to kind of dig out of the hole just to even feel good, right? Yes. That's a brilliant way to look at it. When you're digging out of that hole, it actually erodes the time that you have. And I talk to people all the time who are I don't want to say marginally happy, but they are glass half full or empty, whatever the negative connotation of that phrase is. And I wonder, is this a habit to look at things in a way that puts a negative spin on it. Because I think that while it's good to be realistic, it can be a bit of a waste of time because why waste your time looking at the negative? Yes. And if you want to learn more about that, please listen to episode 109 with Dr. Christine Lee because she talks about that. Like, why would we start a project with all the roadblocks waiting for that shoe to fall? Remember that conversation? I do remember that. And she actually gives this piece of advice where she know, when you feel uncertain, you have to tell yourself, this comes easy to me. And I've actually practiced that phrase with myself since we talked to Dr. Christine. So that was a super valuable conversation. Yeah. I want to go back to your sleep. Question or comment? Have you heard the quote, you can sleep when you're dead? Yes, I have. I don't love it. Yeah, and so that reminds me of what you I don't love it either because that says that sleep's not important and that it's a waste of time. And I think that is the exact opposite. Like you said, sleeping provides a better life the next yeah, yeah. And that's one thing, Cam, that you taught. Really? I took sleep for granted. For instance, I was a great sleeper all through college and high school. Even when I had papers due or a test, I could always sleep. In fact, I had been known to say, okay, I'm going to go to bed at like 930 and I'm going to get

up at 04:00 A.m. To finish studying for this 08: 12:44

00 A.m. Test. And I could do that. I literally could do that. I've fallen asleep on trains, planes, automobile, any form of transportation. I can sleep or could. So this idea of the value of sleep is relatively new and it is amazing. And I do know people that think it's a badge of honor to say, oh, I only need 4 hours of sleep. Do you really? I don't know. Maybe they do. I'm not a doctor, but I know I couldn't function on 4 hours of sleep. No. So I just wanted to bring that up. So we're going to talk about budgeting time. So what are some time sucks in your life? That's a great question. The two biggest ones are scrolling mindlessly social media. And I have to be honest, I'm a little bit of a Netflix junkie, so I work really hard and so those are my quote downtime and those are huge time sucks for me. What about you, Ditto? We did cancel Netflix, so it's another version, but you know what I mean? It's still watching. Yeah. And social media. So what are your strategies to recalibrate or decompress when you know that you're getting your time sucked away? When you realize your time has been sucked away? That's a great question. I mean, the biggest thing is just stopping it. I mean, I know that I can. I always have a book going, and I try to refocus on the book rather than the television or the computer. And it's not even the computer. It's my phone or my iPad. Honestly, that's right there beside the couch. Sometimes it's just talking to my husband and actually starting a conversation instead of allowing this mindless mess to overtake my brain. Yeah. When I get in my social media scrolling mode, I feel mushy. I think we've talked about that. Just it's not good. I feel myself getting irritable. And so I learned this from Marie folio years ago. She has a saying, create before you consume. Oh, yeah. And so create something in your life. Maybe it's a beautiful breakfast or a workout or something, having a conversation with your spouse. But creating before you consume definitely helps. And just knowing that you should take care of yourself before you get into that rabbit hole. And I love Marie forleo anyway. She's awesome. But I love those strategies. And I have to admit, Cam, sometimes I'm okay with allowing what I call mindless activities to consume me. But I will say I'm very conscious of social media more than television, triggering negative emotions. And if I see accounts or see postings, that bother me. Shutting that down and refocusing. Something happened recently that was just like an instant, oh, my gosh, I feel I don't know if it was worried, sad, anxious, whatever, and I had to stop in that moment and say, I am choosing not to consume this. I'm choosing not to think this. I'm refocusing my energy on a more positive thing. Yeah, you can block them or unfollow them or mute them. You can just mute them, too. But I know what you're saying. In my world, the fitness wellness area, there's a few counts that are always negative, and they're always taking other people's videos and belittling them, and it just drives me nuts. And every time I see them, I try to block them because I don't want to see it. That's not how I live my life, and those are not the people I want to work with. I want to work with positive people. Not that. And it's a little bit harder, but if you have actual relationships with people, whether they're coworkers, family, friends that tend to drag you down, that is your time. I literally told my daughter today, and it was actually on social media, but it was a person she knew in real life, and her feelings were a little bit hurt. And I said, you are giving this person power, and so you need to take that power back. And sometimes those time sucks. Can be investing in thoughts or relationships that aren't healthy. And we need to be strong enough to determine how to limit that exposure so that we're not brought down. I mean, sometimes people intend to do it, sometimes they don't. But we have to be intentional with our energy. And there's some beautiful things about social media, something you just said about asking for your energy to be called back at the end of the day because people have taken pieces of it. And I was like, oh, that's a beautiful like, I've learned so many amazing things on social media, but you have to be in control of it and how you consume it. That's all. Absolutely. So, I mean, when we talk about things that ramp us up, how do you recalibrate or decompress? Is there anything you else? Like, if you've had a really intense day with work or whatever, do you have strategies for decompressing from all of that? Really? I put my phone away and I go for a walk. I work on my phone so private clients can have access to me via this app that I use. Or I'm creating stuff for social media, but there are times when I just feel yucky and mushy and I'll just put it away and then go for a walk or do something for myself. But I feel it. I feel like, tired behind my eyes and I was like and I don't like that feeling. That's a wonderful strategy. Being outside is one of my favorite recalibration techniques. I can tell if I have gone to work early and stayed late, even if the sun is on its way down, I will try to get outside for a little while because it is a huge benefit for me. Yeah, and I mean, again, investing in loving relationships. I love to read, so that helps me a lot too. But I can definitely get on a whirlwind trip of got to achieve, got to go, got to get this done. And then I have to be like, okay, time to stop. We don't need to

be working after like, 06: 18:34

00 p.m.. It's fine. Yeah, I do know something about myself. I need blank space on my calendar every week, and we're actually going to talk about that. How do you manage your day? How do you manage your week? And I set weekly goals. In fact, I have a group and we write our intentions on Sunday. Like, what am I going to do this week? What am I focusing on? And these are like, baby steps towards the bigger goal that you're working towards. And so over the course of the week, you have time and energy and effort to do that, but you have to be intentional. You don't want to just say, I'm going to eat more protein, but then don't have any actions behind eating more protein. You have to be intentional. I love that. And I have to be honest, I do better on a daily basis, especially with things like that, like, how much water did I consume? How much protein? And if I don't do well one day, I'm pretty good about making it up the next day. But I love the idea of time is incremental in different increments, so we always have a chance to do better tomorrow, kind of thing. It's not like if it's the end of today or the end of this week, the curtain is going to fall and it's all going to go to pot, as it were. Yeah, right. Do you have a time mission statement? Do you have like, how do you approach this? That is a great question, and I would have said no until and I still have to be honest, I don't have a time mission statement. But this conversation and many of our other conversations about being intentional have helped me form somewhat of a plan, although not concrete, if that makes any sense. No, I totally agree with you. I make sure I rotate through my friends and make sure I see them, but it's not organized. It's like, not on the calendar, but, hey, I haven't seen so and so in a while. I'm going to text her and we're going to go for a walk or you know what I mean? Those prioritizing love and friendships and relationships is one of my things about Midlife that I want to make sure I include. So it's not, quote, unquote scheduled. It's not a mission statement, but it definitely happens. Yeah. And I think that's so important in midlife to have those recognizable moments where you think, oh, wow, I haven't spoken to this person, or I haven't seen her. I hope she's okay. And sometimes when I have that, I'll reach out via text or just say a little prayer for that person because sometimes there's a reason people pop into your head, maybe something is going on. You've got really good gut feelings, Cam. Mine aren't quite as attuned as yours, but I do try to reach out to people when I think about it. But I think it's important to have some sort of idea. I'm certainly not listless in my time management. I do try to manage my time well. Yeah, well, even when we're scheduling the podcast, so we usually record these on Sunday, and we're definitely managing life and fun on the weekends, but we're still making time for this. Yeah, absolutely. What happens when you hit your limit? You're over scheduled? How do you feel when you get that way, or do you let yourself get that way? No, I do, and it's usually unwitting. And I have a feeling this coming week because I'm going on a business trip next week, it's going to happen. Like, I've got to work and I got to get a haircut. I need to go to the Dent. I have a dental appointment, I have a dermatology appointment. So I've got to pick up the dry cleaning for this trip so I can see that already happening. And typically I just get really cranky and recognize. So I tell you, it's Sunday today, so one of the things I do to mitigate that a little bit is meal prep. So that's one of the things that doesn't stress me out. You over schedule yourself, Amelia, this week, if you're doing all those appointments and work and going out of town. Well, I didn't have a choice. I had to move the medical appointments because they were supposed to occur the week I was gone. And it just ends up that way. So I'm not terribly worried. I had a friend a long time ago, Cam. Tell me. Basically she was like, you just need to say no. And I was so freaking annoyed. I thought, you don't live my life. But there is something to it. There is definitely merit to saying no. It's just a matter of what can you say no to and what is necessary? Yeah, right. I feel like you have really good boundaries, so I'm interested in that conversation. Why she said that it was a long compliment. Yeah, I don't know. Not that having one child versus two makes a big difference. I mean, she is a mother of one and we both had kids and I don't know, I don't remember the context, but it was strong enough statement that I remembered it like 15 years later. Maybe my boundaries have gotten better, but at the time she clearly thought maybe I needed to work on that. I don't know. Yeah, interesting. Well, the next part of our notes here is your future does not have to be your past. That you have to be intentional with your time. And then if you're overcoming a bad habit and you're working on something new, you just be intentional and give yourself grace as you're practicing something. You don't have to do everything right now. I know. I've shared before. When people have goals in the gym, whether it's a push up or a pull up or whatever, some women would walk in the door on day one and be frustrated and mad at themselves because they couldn't do XYZ, but they hadn't put in the time, the effort, the skills, the strength, whatever to help them get there. So I feel like you can achieve anything you want. You just have to be intentional with your time and have a plan. Yeah, for sure. Is there anything in your life where you didn't really have a plan and it kind of got away with you and once you implemented the plan, it got easier? I would say my planning time has come in my late forty s and into my 50s. Honestly, when women walked in with goals in the gym in my early 40s, I'm like, that's ridiculous. I would never say that out loud, but I'm like, why do you have goals like that? Just show up and do the work. So this whole being intentional with my time is a newer thing for me, I would say. How about you? Same. And I want to one more follow up question. Do you think part of your shift in attitude was that before, you didn't realize how valuable your time was and now you guard it. I think that's part of it. I think that's part of the midlife awakening. Yeah, I really do. That you have a gift and that you matter and you have the right to take up time, space and gravity with people and yourself. And I think it's part of it. Would you agree? Oh, I totally agree. And I've gotten way better saying no. Like, my friend told me I needed to say no more. But for instance, last week I was asked to do a product demo on the day I had the dental appointment. And the old me would have either stressed about it, agreed to do it, and said, just worried the whole time I was at the dentist. But what I did is I said, look, I was honest. I said, I have a dental appointment the hour before and I'm working from home that day. So this is a virtual demo. I said, I'll get there as quick as I can. One of my other team members like, don't worry about it, I can do it. And I thought, how cool is that? Nobody said, cancel your dental appointment and do this product demo for us. So I've learned that my schedule and my appointments or values are just as important as anyone else's and I would do the same for the other people. Right. Like, I'm not going to sit silent if someone needs help. So I think that is part of the midlife awakening, that we can look at ourselves and say we matter, we are important and so is our time. Yeah. And also we're just taking ownership of our life and our choices. And on a recent episode, it's episode 111, holly Bertone said radical responsibility. She used that term and it was in regards to her health and her journey. Please check out that episode. But what we're saying now is we're taking radical responsibility with our time and our energy. Where are we spending our time? Who are we spending our time with? Yeah. Amen. And the other thing that goes along with that radical responsibility and this kind of goes back to the example about the dentist appointment is make choices out of love instead of fear. Again, the old me would have been fearful that I would get in trouble at work if I didn't show up for this product demo because I had a dental appointment. Well, you know what? Let it be. If that were to happen, I would deal with it. But I said lovingly to the team, these are my limitations. And I received love back. So I approached the situation of my limits with love and I received that love in return. And I think anytime we make choices out of love instead of fear, there's a better chance it's going to turn out well. Yeah. Thinking of your busy week, this has always helped me going. Into this busy week, like visualizing it running smoothly, dr. Christine's episode. The shoes aren't going to fall. It's going to be amazing. You have the energy, you have the talent, you have the patience, whatever you need to just visualize it working smoothly. Yeah, I think that's a great point, because I don't know if you've seen it, but there is a new term. Newish term. I saw it on 60 Minutes many weeks ago called the Sunday Scaries, and it's where people get super wound up and anxious on Sunday as they engage in activities, anticipating their work week. And so that was so profound to me. I thought I was the only one that felt that way. Sometimes on Sundays, not every week, but really reframing that and say, I have the power and the energy and the intellect and all the things to have a great week. I shouldn't anticipate it being a poor week, so thank you for that tip. Yeah. Isn't that funny? We used to call it the Monday Game, and we did some cryotherapy, whatever, and we went to Trader Joe's, which is right next door, and it was packed. It's Sunday, right? And everyone's there. Everyone's doing the Monday game or the Sunday Scaries to get ready for the week. And we were just there because it was convenient, but it was a very calm trip. Sometimes you go on the grocery on Sunday and people are like, their heads cut off because they've got to get all the things and do all the things. But it's so cool that we recognize that. I do have days of the week that I tend to like better than others for different reasons, but it doesn't have to be that way. I'm setting myself up for failure if I dread something or brace for it. We've talked about that before. Whereas we just need to embrace what is. And one of the other things I love, that you've said so many times is you either get what you want or the lesson you need, and so if you're spending your time wisely, that's exactly what's going to happen. Yeah, and I have another quote from that same coach, and it's about fear. We were talking about fear, making decisions out of love versus fear. Here's a new definition for fear. You got to chew on this one and let it sink in. An objection to something is really a belief that you have that's rooted in fear. Oh, that's fantastic. I really like that. Yeah, you got to let that one sink in. For sure. Thanks to my business coach for that one. Well, your business coach is super wise. And just to kind of wrap up, I don't know if you got anything else to say about time, but I just want to feel good all the time. Now, I know that's not possible, but you know what, Cam? What I'm really trying to do is just live in the present moment thanks for listening today. You can find us on Instagram at Midlife Mommas. For all of our other contact info, check out the show description below and we will talk to you next week.